It's that time again, bitches!

GIVE BLOOD @ THE RED CROSS!! HAS IT BEEN 56 DAYS??

LOCATION: BH.Madison East Fixed Site
ADDRESS:
Madison WI 53704
DATE: Friday, November 2nd, 2007
TIME: 08:15 AM
PHONE: 1-800-GIVE LIFE

You know the man and I are going this Friday. Have you made your appointment yet? Well, have you? Won't somebody pleeeeeeeeeeeease think of the children??


UPDATE: Veni, Vedi, Veiny. We did ok, and got a free bag of bagels besides. I swear, that Red Cross is way over the line friendly.

just thinking over some chili

Pretty good chili, too. Trader Joe's vegetarian plus some zucchini I cooked up and threw in. With organic white corn chips and a frosty can of pepsi you could say my lunch was almost perfect. I say almost perfect because there isn't any sex after. Well, later. And maybe some mint-cookie Ben and Jerry's. And, Netflix tells me that I have more Season one of Monk waiting at home for me. That should be a great night. Do I need beer? No, I still have shitloads of booze and mixer left over from last weeks' kickass party.

So last night I went out to the old timey gangster bar near where I work and as I stood warming my hands at the fire I looked up at the giant photo of Al Capone and was comforted somehow. This place used to be a great hangout during the Prohibition, and it still has cheap fucking drinks and a good atmosphere. They have a cd jukebox with Ben Folds on it, for fuck's sake, how can they go wrong?

Some of the gals from work, a random boyfriend or two, and a friend of a friend showed up for drinks. I like a mellow time out and that was it. I was talking with the new girl about losing a parent, and she waxed on fairly heavily about how hard it would be to lose her mother because she's the best mom, so perfect, etc. - and I started thinking about how that has nothing to do with how much losing a parent hurts. I couldn't stand my mother and we fought constantly until almost the end of her life. She was the shittiest parent imaginable, and yet when she died I completely lost my shit for a long long time and still I miss her. And what I miss is not her potential for being a good mother, because I gave up on that particular wish when I was still in grade school. I knew better.

I believe that it really really sucks to lose a mom no matter how fucking horrendously she parented. I can imagine Christina Crawford had a hard time when her mother died, and can you imagine a worse parent than Mommy Dearest? If you never met my mother then probably not.

My mother's birthday would have been on the 23rd, so she's on my mind a bit more right now.

Fan-fucking Tastic

There are so many things about this job that drive me nuts. If I go through the entire list you can imagine the sound of my head exploding. This morning at our bi-weekly all-staff meeting (which isn't all staff, just management and the rsc's like me, so wtf is up with that name?) we got the same old boring schtick about filling out our schedules, getting paperwork in on time, and to top off the lecture my boss (not my direct supervisor, but the main boss) says that she wants us to spend more time in the office because we're not...connecting...enough. What? How the hell are we supposed to do that when the very nature of our job requires that we are all over town and back, all day, doing myriad useless things for other people? How many times do I have to run over to the fucking pharmacy to straighten out a mess, then drive 15 miles there and back to deliver the meds? Yeah, lady, we're going to be able to do our jobs AND make time to sit inside a cubicle for no other reason except that you're feeling lonely? Boo fucking hoo. Nobody said anything at the time but I could sense the general wtf of the moment loud and clear. Most of us have too much on our caseloads to even think about going to the office just to fucking go there without a reason.
Now, if the recruitment was under control and there were fewer openings that we as supervisors had to cover then perhaps we might consider making time to hang out with the same people who make our lives miserable on a daily basis. Did I mention yet that I had to go to cover a shift on Sunday fucking morning because we don't have enough staff? And, we don't have enough staff because the funding for what we do has been cut to shit and people don't want to work for peanuts taking care of people and wiping asses. Personally I haven't had a raise in four years - but I have spent holidays wiping asses because there was no one else to do it.

It's not like I can't survive on what I make, even though I've taken pay cuts every year since I started working - but it sure would help me feel more valued if well, I got actually paid for what I do, and not less than when I was hired. That only forces me to cut corners wherever I can, and I do only what is expected and not one thing more. I stopped doing the company newsletter because, well, fuck them, and I only do the basics of the job now. When I am pressed to do more I just refuse. Why? Well, fuck them. I make less than $700 a paycheck. They can kiss my ass.
I'm not angry, just pragmatic. I do what I have to do, and not one thing more. I won't get a new job simply because this one has very flexible hours. I can adjust my time as I need to, and take long lunches, and let's face it, except for dealing with staffing issues it's not that difficult of a position. If the hardest thing I have to do all week is handle other people's bullshit, then you know, it's okay.

Seriously Fucking Hilarious, and isn't that Wolverine?

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Fun with Wikipedia

I'm so glad that Glenn Assclown Beck has decided that people living in the most Republican areas of California "hate America" and therefore have houses on fire right now.

People are having fun with his Wiki page now. ;)

In an interview with Deepak Chopra that aired on August 18, 2007, Beck mentioned that his father told him several times as he was growing up that the five most important words in the English language are, "I have an enormous ass." If the camera angles are to be believed clearly Beck has an enormous ass.

Baaaaad is Gooooood....! (well, duh)

So I was stumbling around Yahoo instead of working, and discovered the GREATEST top 10 list of all time. So what's my opinion of it? Let's see: The top 10 bad things that are actually good for me? And what am I doing about it?

10. BEER! "new research has suggested that moderate beer intake can actually improve cardiovascular function"

Well cool. I like most beer *not* made by large american distributors who use preservatives that give me immediate migraines. I've found that beer makes me sleep better, feel better, and wow, it can really wash down the nachos.

9. ANGER! "bursts of anger here and there are good for the health, and can be an even more effective coping mechanism than becoming afraid, irritated or disgusted"

Do I even need to address this one? Read the fucking title of the blog, bitches!
Hey. I feel better already!

8. COFFEE! "coffee is a major source of antioxidants in our diet and can help lower your risk of diabetes. Something in the beans is also thought to ease the onset of cirrhosis of the liver and pancreatitis"

This one's awesome. They don't mention having a Java Puta to lovingly grind the beans and then bring a steaming mug to you in bed before you have to face the day. I seriously love that trait in my significant other. That has earned him many many MANY sexual favors. Well, okay, I'd do that anyway. But I sure can't function without my coffee, so I'm glad it's good for me.

7. LSD! "In heavy drinkers, small doses of LSD have been thought to help bypass the rock-bottom stage of alcoholism and prevent relapses. A recent study of 36 volunteers who took an LSD-like drug in a lab setting had them reporting mystical experiences and behavior changes that lasted for weeks"

WTF? Well, all right. If I have to, I will. Just kidding. Actually I have taken loads of this drug in my lifetime, and I can attest to one binge that left me seeing visions and I had weird physical tics and behaviors (like karate hands, wtf?) for weeks after. I haven't done it in a long time and it's not on my list. I'm glad it helps alcoholics. I wonder if their cardiovascular health is good from the drinking? Huh.

6. SUNLIGHT! "Sunlight suppressed the immune reactions that cause asthma in some lab studies with mice and could be used to treat humans afflicted with the disease in the future. And sunlight--even if indirect, such as on a shaded porch--is known to boost the mood"

I'm not one to attribute animal studies to actual human conditions since we're light years away in DNA, and well, different as hell physiologically, but hey! Sunlight is pretty essential to my mood, and after I stopped tanning I noticed a steep decline in my innate cheerful fucking attitude. Yes, I am cheerful, fucker! And hey, people need to breathe, right? I hope they figure out a way to help asthmatics with UV the way they did in that town in Norway where all the people were committing suicide from the short days.

5. MAGGOTS! "Placed on serious wounds, maggots mimic their "wild" lifestyle and munch on bacteria and dead tissue, stimulating healing and helping to prevent infection"

EW!! Well apparently those Barbers in the Dark Ages knew a thing or two. I don't remember what book I was reading but it was a time-travel thing and the heroine went back to the past and just about freaked out that they were using maggots on a wound, and then she saw that it actually worked and it was copacetic once again. I wish I knew what the book was, but I read so many that I can't keep track. Bill got me started on Barbara Hambly's vampire books. Those are pretty fun, and I really like the subtle humor.

4. MARIJUANA! "Recent studies on mice suggest that anti-inflammatories found in the drug prevent the clumping of brain proteins, one major cause of [Alzheimer's]"

Ok. The study was on mice again, it might as well have been on a small group of people that wouldn't really represent any large section of the population. But you know - pot has been proven to help with nausea and stomach cramps, and sometimes it helps my mood as well. If I have enough of #8 then I don't even get sleepy!

3. RED WINE! "The key... is an antioxidant found specifically in the skin of red wine grapes, called resveratrol. The latest studies even link resveratrol to greater endurance, a reduction in gum disease and Alzheimer's"

Well this is fine - I like some red wine - but it dyes my teeth purple and I'm allergic to so much of it. It's all right if it's foreign - but those California reds are pure hell on my system. Firstly my jaw starts to lock up, my throat aches, and then I go into migraine full-bore. I'll stay away from the red wine, thanks.

2. CHOCOLATE! "study after study lately has touted the magical benefits of the indulgent treat, which is packed with the antioxidant flavonols that prevent certain cancers and keep your arteries from clogging. The most recent news? These powerful chemicals may even increase blood flow to the brain, warding off dementia"

Do I even have to say that I take advantage of this one? Chocolate is one of my favorite indulgences. Not only will it stave off dementia - but it will help the blood flow to my brain that I cut off by using #4!

1. SEX! "having sex is an easy way to reduce stress, lower cholesterol and improve circulation throughout the body"

No Comment.

...heh heh heh...

ramblin...ramble on....

I'm a little unsure about what my next move should be. I've been fighting off depression for months now, and it's beginning to lift, but I'm in a rut now that I'm wondering how to get out of. And my writing has been stagnant to nonexistant and NaNoWriMo is starting November 1st. That means I have to get on the fucking stick and start planning my novel. I don't know if I can do 50K words this year. Last year I think I got to 12K - which isn't even half of the goal.
It's cooler out and getting moreso, which means there are a lot of knitting projects on the table. I finally admitted to myself that I was not going to play the guitar, so that's one less thing.
I hate my job, but with the market the way it is I don't see changes there happening very soon. I have been a slug and feeling sick a lot so of course I'm up 15 pounds, and so the gym has to be put back on my list. Besides, my clothes don't fit and that just annoys the fuck out of me. I cannot buy a whole new wardrobe just because I can't control my munchies and I haven't been back to work out in a while. I did cut out all meat from the diet and I'm getting better at adjusting back to a veggie lifestyle. I'm sure that will help - and I am making more meals at home now that I have options and have learned some simple recipes.
I think my brain is recovering and I'm sleeping better (beer + benadryl rocks) and I know that's going to improve my outlook as well.
Now I just have to keep on moving upward and onward. I had no idea I could sink so low for so long! Depression sucks. But! Depression meds suck so much more, so it'll have to continue to be all natural cures for me.

Dad & the fam are good.

Update:

They managed to pack up the truck with important stuff and took 78 across to 5 and then headed south and then back east towards La Mesa. They are with my step-mother's sister now, and out of the line of fire. Dad was pissed that he didn't get to work on his canoe today - and I hope the pets are okay - he had to leave them all behind. He said the smoke was very thick and it was almost impossible to see on the freeway - but everyone is safe. He didn't mention my sister so I assume she's with her boyfriend someplace safe.


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Update:

10-22-07 9:23 a.m.

Mandatory evacuations have been ordered for Escondido in the Bear Valley/78 area.

Evacuation points have been established at San Marcos High School at 1615 W. San Marcos Blvd. and Poway Civic Center at 13325 Civic Center Drive.

Mandatory evacuations have also been ordered for the Harris Fire near Honey Springs Road and Lyons Valley Road and all areas to the east toward Cleveland National Forest.

Emergency officials are reminding residents to limit cell phone calls and use major highways for emergencies only.

San Diego wildfires

I'm keeping an eye on the news website, and they put up this picture: and the area just north of the letter "y" of Del Dios Hwy is my dad's house. I can't get an answer from the house or on his cell. I hope he lets me know something soon.

Something is lifting.

I woke up yesterday and I felt...normal. I *really* had forgotten what normal (for me) felt like. It's pretty damn different than how I've been. Maybe it's my health, or the weather, or something, but it has been so hard to write, or do much of anything. I'm sure I need a vacation, but normally I don't get so influenced by stress, if that's what it has been. There's really nothing wrong in my life to make me down or forgetful, or whatever it has been. I know my sleep's been off, and I haven't had much of a work OR sex drive.

I hope my current upward trend in mood continues.

Good things are fucking happening!

I don't know if anyone recalls the fucked-up tanning booth peeping tom from last year, but I do! He was busted spying on me in the booth, and I had his ass arrested and charged with Disorderly Conduct. Well, after months and months - he's been found GUILTY, and ordered to pay me for the part of my tanning package I didn't use because well, it wasn't like I could go BACK, right?

Part two! My dsl problems are over after a year and a half. It turns out that it was the voice portion of the line, and a guy FINALLY went up the pole to replace a bunch of wires and stuff, and it works. I've had repairmen out over 12 times in the past year, and finally it's FIXED. I was getting really sick of the telephone people telling me it was all in my head because it was an intermittent problem. I was about to give up and go for cable. But I hate cable! I don't even watch tv, and I hate the cable monopoly that charges for bullshit because they can (I've worked with them for my clients who all have cable and I've watched them get screwed over).

So!! Internet works, and the peeping tom asshole that I HOPE went blind from seeing me nekkid has been found guilty and will pay me restitution. HAHAHAHAH!!

It's a good fucking day. I'll talk about the 3 day migraine another time. :P

Damn. I may have to get off my ass now.

Note that the ENTIRE study group was 32 people. That's hardly a solid study. I hate these lame-ass statistics that try to prove points with barely any data. I can exercise when I feel good. If I wake up with aching anything I can bet you that I'll be more than happy to lie abed with a mug of coffee until I feel like getting up. ;)

"Light exercise may be good for Crohn's disease

Canadian researchers found that for people with mild Crohn's disease, taking a walk a few times per week helped boost their well-being and quality of life.

There has been some concern that exercise could exacerbate these problems because of its potential effects on functioning in the digestive tract. However, studies have not shown this to be true.

For the new study, Victor Ng and colleagues at the University of Western Ontario recruited 32 adults with Crohn's disease. All were either in remission or were suffering only mild symptoms.

Though some doctors have been hesitant to recommend exercise for Crohn's disease, light exercise like moderate walking is unlikely to have significant effects on patients' intestinal function, Millard noted.

That being said, however, Millard cautioned that this and other studies of exercise and Crohn's disease have included only patients in remission or with mild symptoms.

"Patients with moderate or severe symptoms of their Crohn's disease should not engage in an exercise program until their symptoms are better controlled," she advised."

Simpson-ized

I cannot stop watching this.