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Psycho Salmonella

I have the strangest turtle I've heard of. He acts like the Bird Man of Alcatraz. He's got all these fish he plays with, and attempts escape almost daily from the terrarium. He most recently dumped himself completely over, and spent a good five minutes getting back over again onto his stomach. He is the dumbest turtle ever. He can't swim very well, and I really think he got brain damaged when his previous owners neglected him. He really has a great set-up, and yet he'll try to grab onto anything (including the filter) to try and lever himself up and out of the cage. I've got the William Wallace of reptiles here. I half expect the blue face paint and an arrow in my butt every time I go to feed him. I do worry that he will knock the filter completely over and electrocute himself. I think there are probably safeguards against that..but who knows.

I hate Mondays.

My pressing issue today is why the fuck my gut aches, my heart rends, my eyes tear, and my head explodes, just from seeing someone I'm relieved to not be dating anymore. Of course I know we work together, so I'm bound to see him at some point. Also, I knew he was coming into the office so I schemed to not be around. I came in to pick up one single thing before I was leaving again, and in he strolled, with one of the individuals he supports. I managed to say hi, then the individual (we'll call him Joe) came to me for a big old hug, much like he'd always do when Joshua and I were dating. Joshua just stood there grinning like it was old times, and I fucking bolted for the door. With my huge cardboard box. He asked if I wanted help carrying it to my car, and I said no, I can get it but thanks! (chipper ain't I) and I pretty much flew out of there. Of course the two of them walk out when I'm driving by so to be "normal" I honk and wave as I drive away, out of sight before bursting into tears. Gah! I'm relieved, did I say that? I'm happy to be not dating him, did I say that? Why am I so damn upset??!!
So I finished up my supply run to a client's house, then headed home, still in tears over seeing Joshua . How long is this supposed to last, because I can't take it~!!

Sunday bloody Sunday

Ok so how is it that given an Olympic sized, empty pool, there's always one person who comes in, picks the lane next to me, and then splashes me, usually in the eye? I swear...that's just how my day is going. Well I guess it's already tomorrow, so we're off to a rollicking start. Ok, yesterday then. Woke up, turns out my DM is over the flu, so gaming is set. I don't know what I was doing other than probably sleeping, getting attacked by cats, or masturbating, but I was late to gaming with no real excuse. I ran through the Taco Bell drive through (thru if you believe the sign), got a burrito (new one, quite good!), then headed over to gaming. I was half an hour late, but besides me the only people there were my ex-boyfriend and one other guy we game with. So that left a few others who were later than me. Whew-pressure off.

I should mention that I, along with my DM and her hubby, am a huge fan of the British sitcom Coupling. They just received season four, so we watched two episodes. Now, that was great, except that my favourite (I'll use the english spelling in honour of Coupling) character isn't doing the series in season four. "oh...Jeffrey!" Well that bummed me right out, since I wasn't yet done trying figure out the accent the actor was using all that time. Welsh, I think, but I heard an interview with the actor and he sounded quite normally British. Damn. I think I was half in love with that stupid accent.

There we were, trying to get started on the game, and my lame ex-boyfriend monopolized the DM's time for a good thirty minutes before she finally put a stop to things and moved on. The guy just can't commit...whether it be to choosing a spell, a skill set, or anything else. I won't go into relationship issues here, but will suffice it to say that I really appreciate decisiveness in a partner, and I don't appreciate Punxor.

Finally we got started playing the game, and it turned out to be two solid hours of gameplay for only two of the six members of the party. I ended up heading up to the chaise lounge in the livingroom and napping until I heard exciting things going on again down in the gaming lair. Half the party had been charmed by some halfling priestess and I had to come and try to help out. We ended up in a full-on battle with the entire party vs. my ex's bard (still charmed), and our elf pretty much dead on the floor. Things worked out, and I got to cast a Disrobe spell on the bard (nekked in a second flat), then Magic Missile him six times. Oh it felt so good to somehow attack him. I think I still have angst-like feelings where he is concerned. I'll just shrug and say probably.

Splasher or no, it felt really good to swim for such a long time tonight. It really mellows me out. I'm sure I'll feel the results on my tired muscles tomorrow, but if I'm really to achieve Supermodel status and get that man (see previous posting), then it's good that I enjoy swimming. I'm going to be doing a lot of it.

ah fer christ's sake...

I guess that's in my mind because I've said it all day at work in a Fargo accent. What a great movie. First time I saw it was unimpressed with it, and thought the Coen bros. were smoking too much dope, or not enough, because that whole movie depressed the hell out of me. I thought the William H. Macy character was really slimy...and it was painful to watch him slip down into that muck of family betrayal, or whatever bullshit he got mixed up into. I liked seeing MN in the movie...except where they filmed a lot of the scenes was in places I never went often, like Plymouth. I went to the Olive Garden in Plymouth once, and they served me a burned (crispy black) $19 steak. My friend Trish was treating and I was three sheets to the wind on triple vodka/sevens, but I know when to send back food, and if not this time, when? So I got a second steak, which was completely fucking raw. It didn't even bleed, it was so raw. Well I ate the fucker, every bite. I'll say it was "tartar." So I didn't go back to the Plymouth Olive Garden. Now you know why. You probably shouldn't either, with their smartass fucking cooks.

I'm feeling kind of down these days...you know how it is...one week after a break up and you start to really feel the aloneness that was so natural before you had someone calling you up and wanting to spend time with you. I've noticed how nobody touches me, either. I can go days without anyone actually touching me for any reason at all. I've been by turns listless and agitated. I want to injure Jerk but he's not worth it. He didn't do anything but not be right for me. It's not even him I'm angry with, it's me. I'm just too much for people. I'm too intense and probably annoying. Which really boggles me because Jerk really was a lot louder than me, and made me uncomfortable with his displays in public. I guess I was glad he wasn't like punxor, who stifled me 24/7 so I would fit in better with his image of what his girlfriend ought to be like. But even so, I positively cringed when Jerk would do outrageous things in public places, and I felt embarrassed. I liked being with him, but wished he would settle the fuck down. I guess if I was feeling that way, then he for sure wasn't the "one," and it's better that we're not dating. Oh fer christ's sake, there are SOOOOO many reasons that it's better we're not dating. One of them, however, is not that I didn't like the physical contact. That was wonderful, and by god, he just tasted really good ...(pheremone effect most likely). So that leaves me feeling depressed and alone again, after just over a week of things ending with Jerk . Fuck it, I'm calling him Jerk . Just cause it'll piss him off. He's too full of himself anyway. So what do I do with all this angst? I swam tonight and felt pretty darn good. I guess I could work on my supermodel body and then get a man twice as good as anyone I've ever dated. He'll have to be as funny as punxor and randy, as gorgeous as tom, the body of randy (pre-unemployed vicious alcoholic days), and the smarts of I dunno...most of the men I've dated have been really smart, except for randy (dumb as a brick), so I'll find another smart one. Oh! And sexually liberated enough to at least let me have my way with him the way I want to, and not puritanical missionary with zero foreplay that I endured in the dark with Punxor for years. Ah fuck it, liberal in general. So there's my checklist for my new fantasy boyfriend! Fantasy is right, because I'm not convinced one iota that my checklist will or could ever be filled. I know what'll happen...because it just fucking happened with Jerk . Wow! He's good looking? Smart? Sensitive? Kind to retarded men and animals? Politically liberal, and non-homophobic? Last of all...really into me, all the time with the love notes, kissy kissy face, and whatever else I thought I wanted? All right, let's lay this out. Master Bullshitter. Fucking A what a giant bullshit artist!! Gah!!!! I saw what he and I both wanted me to see, which had nothing to do with who the man actually is. Can we say man-whore to little old ladies with lots of cash? If he can lie to them to get what he wants, he sure could lie to me get what he wanted. Of course I'm not sure what that was just yet, but eventually I'll figure it out. What I seriously don't get...is why he told me all that stuff about being a dishonest person. I don't like dishonest people. I can't condone that sort of thing very well. I tried to, really I did, but only to keep having him around until I was done using him in an honest manner.Ok this is good, I haven't lost my sense of humor. I guess I'm okay around sharp objects again. Until next time...Angst Ridden Gen X Single Woman...