vacation, please!

I'm simply overwhelmed with life. Nobody can help me and there's no cure for it. I have ceased to cope and I'm falling into a depression. I cannot handle things at work, and I'm ready to walk. I feel like they're ready to fire me because it always seems like there's something that I've done that someone else would have handled differently.

Mike hounds me daily. Even when I'm completely busy he'll find a reason to criticize something I've done, and give me five other things to do. He called me the other day with a crisis, but I was not able to take it on. It was time sensitive, but there was just no way for me to handle it. Of course that meant that I was what, irresponsible? I worked a twelve hour day, excuse the fuck out of me for being busy with four other clients at the time. It's one crisis after another, and it never slows down or stops. I'm on full crisis mode all the time. I'm burning out and I don't know what to do. It doesn't seem like I can do even one more task. I need some time to recharge without anything going wrong for five seconds.

So a client told me she wanted to change doctors. She didn't like her doctor, and when her last round of surgeries were complete she wanted to switch. She told me that it would be all right if she stayed with her current clinic as long as she went to a different MD. So I made the necessary calls and set up the new physician stuff. Then the client tells me she doesn't want that particular doctor, I must change it to another one. So I did it all over again, spent time on the necessary calls to set up the different physician new patient stuff.

So then her broker leaves a message for me stating that the client doesn't want to be at the old clinic, she wants a new clinic. She tells me we need to have a meeting so we can sit down and the client can explain to me that she wants a new clinic as well as a new doctor since I must not know what she wants. So instead of just telling me "new clinic too" I have to jump through a bunch of fucking hoops only to be condescended to like I'm stupid and don't understand, even though I was talking to the client through the whole process and I only did what she asked me. Telling me we need a meeting because I must not understand when all she had to say was a simple three word sentence really chaps me and makes me a lot less inclined to do anything for this woman. It just pissed me off.

This is the shit I'm talking about. I'm considered "thick" because the client tells me one thing and her broker another, so we need a meeting to discuss why I can't do what she wants me to do? I fucking WAS. I changed those plans three times, and spent way too much time on the phone with that goddamn clinic so that she would be happy. So I'm wasting time for nothing - so I can be told that I must not understand so why don't they sit me down to explain it. It makes me want to tell them to fuck off. Of course, I'm in the wrong, and nothing I could ever say would change that. This whole job is all about perception, and I'm perceived as being at fault for everything. I'll always be the fall guy. Intellectually I realize this is just how it is in this field, but it makes me feel like Sisyphus. I just can't win.

All this little stuff if really dragging my ass down. It really does never end. It never slows down, and it never stops. I can never have anything go right for longer than a half a day. I am so fucking sick of dealing with everything that I want to deal with nothing. I was working at Borders on Saturday night and I couldn't stop thinking about my other job. The weight of it feels like a million pounds. I can understand why people become alcoholics. The stress definitely has got the better of me, and I don't see things changing.

I want to take time off, but things will fall down around me if I do. I want to tell everyone to leave me the hell alone, but if I don't handle them they just blow everything out of proportion and the problem balloons. I don't know how the other people do this job. I can't always think of everything. I can't always be perfect. I certainly don't expect perfection from others, just to try their best and not mess my stuff up too badly. Always I'm getting asked if I've done (insert some minute detail). If I haven't, it's why haven't I, even if it was such a fucking small detail that I never even thought of it. Mike tells me the devil's in the details, and he's right - but I'm a big picture kind of person. I have to really think hard about getting every little single thing right, and if I get criticized when I'm doing my best then I'll only end up getting pissed off and then I'm unwilling to even talk about it. I just want to be left alone and I'll FUCKING DO IT just give me space already, and don't lecture me about how perfect I need to be. I'm not fucking perfect, and I have so many things to do that I'm always going to be one step behind. I can't drop what I'm doing every single time, or things are going to be missed. Sam called me up last week and said "call this woman right NOW." I was driving on the beltline, and told him there was no way I was pulling over right then. It wasn't safe and I would call her when I could park somewhere. Well he tells Mike that I hadn't called this person, so he calls me five minutes later and tells me to call her RIGHT NOW. I'm still fucking DRIVING, and I'm not even somewhere I can pull over. What the FUCK is it with all these unreasonable requests?? I mean, I'll get to whatever it is, why does everything have to be a goddamn emergency?? It's SOOOOO fucking not.

Mike calls me on Friday - tells me to call three people and talk to them. I say okay, I'll do that, no problem. Only then he gets annoyed with me because I have to use my cell. OK. I'm nowhere near a land line, and I have to call them right away yet Mike doesn't want me to use my cell phone?? Tell me what you want me to do then give me impossible conditions then act exasperated with me because you're unreasonable? ugh!

I was all set to miss Mike but I am changing that idea based on the past two weeks. He's been on my ass non-stop for every tiny thing. He asked what I planned to do for a situation, and I didn't know because I hadn't had the meeting to plan anything yet. He wanted me to tell him what the plan was, even if I didn't know. I said to him, uh Mike, I don't know and I won't know until later today after I have a meeting about it with the other person responsible. So then he asked me what the options were. Well, Mike, I don't know because I haven't had that meeting yet. "But what are the options?" That's called I don't know, Mike, and I won't know until this afternoon. "Well let me know when you know." Well sure, I'll just do that. "Is this person going to ask that other person to do that?" Well Mike, you'll have to ask her. "Why haven't you asked her?" Because you're the one who wants to know, and I'm HAVING A MEETING LATER to talk about this stuff...a meeting I haven't been to yet.

WELL JESUS H. CHRIST. I can probably get fired for smacking my boss with a chair. I would say that situation was just pure harrassment. I am forced to go round in circles and stay calm, but I'm still treated like I'm doing something wrong because someone else is on a different time table. I realize that Mike has his things going on and he's stressed about selling his house and leaving the country but he's driving me fucking bats.

I also realize that I'm letting Mike get to me, and that's where I'm getting fucked up. I'm letting his stress wander over onto me, and he's become focused on making my life hell. I'm his pet project for improvement and that is unacceptable. I can't work with him hovering over me like that. I can't work with anyone hovering over me like that. Another manager called me with some stupid request last week and it ended up that I'd already done what he was asking two hours prior to the call. I felt like he was checking up on me and I got annoyed. I managed to shrug it off that time, but as it's happening more and more I'm really less inclined to be nice about it. I'm beginning to feel picked at, and I can't work like this. I have so much already to deal with that people haranguing me is totally NOT acceptable.

I guess I'm feeling better about things, but putting all my frustrations down in print always takes away the sting. I am going to have to talk to Cathy tomorrow about Mike driving me nuts. I'll also have to talk to her about the clinic/doctor situation so she's aware that I have a lot going on with the client and the broker. I have to stop shouldering so goddamn much. I've been telling Mike whatever he wants to hear just to shut him up, and that's dishonest. I feel crappy about trying to mollify him because he's being an ass. I'm a capable person and I don't deserve to be hounded every day. I shouldn't have to always feel like the truth isn't good enough. What is, is. I'm not perfect and nobody should be giving me a hard time non-stop because they have issues. I'm not anyone's bitch and it stops now.

It's a thought, half remembered while still asleep..
Ocean waves crashing, smashing down around me,
and I'm splashing around in them...
That door that stays closed in normal times
just flies open, harsh at once as it smacks the wall.
"here I am!" that crazy talk says to you-
but it's nothing like what you really feel,
except when you're asleep.

what classic movie am i?

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Maslow? Hmpf.

Physiological Needs (27%) you appear to have everything you need to survive physically.
Safety Needs (34%) you appear to have a very secure environment.
Love Needs (30%) you appear to be content with the quality of your social connections.
Esteem Needs (54%) you appear to have a medium level of skill competence.
Self-Actualization (35%) you appear to have a low level of individual development.
Physiological Needs (27%) you appear to have everything you need to survive physically.
Safety Needs (34%) you appear to have a very secure environment.
Love Needs (30%) you appear to be content with the quality of your social connections.
Esteem Needs (54%) you appear to have a medium level of skill competence.
Self-Actualization (35%) you appear to have a low level of individual development.
Take Free Maslow Inventory Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

jungian perspective now :)

Jung Test Results



Extroverted (E) 68.75% Introverted (I) 31.25%
Sensing (S) 51.22% Intuitive (N) 48.78%
Feeling (F) 60% Thinking (T) 40%
Perceiving (P) 70.27% Judging (J) 29.73%

Your type is: ESFP

ESFP - "Entertainer". Radiates attractive warmth and optimism. Smooth, witty, charming, clever. Fun to be with. Very generous. 8.5% of the total population.

personality test. Hmm...

Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Stability |||| 20%
Orderliness |||||||||||| 46%
Altruism |||||||||||| 43%
Interdependence |||||| 30%
Intellectual |||||||||||| 43%
Mystical |||||||||||| 43%
Artistic |||| 16%
Religious || 10%
Hedonism |||||||||||| 50%
Materialism |||||||||||||||| 63%
Narcissism |||||||||| 36%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||| 70%
Work ethic |||||||||| 36%
Self absorbed |||||| 30%
Conflict seeking |||||| 30%
Need to dominate |||||||||| 36%

Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Avoidant |||||||||||| 43%
Anti-authority |||||| 23%
Wealth |||| 16%
Dependency |||||||||||| 50%
Change averse |||||||||| 36%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||| 56%
Individuality |||||||||| 36%
Sexuality |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Peter pan complex |||||||||| 36%
Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Physical fitness || 10%
Histrionic |||||||||||||||| 63%
Paranoia |||| 16%
Vanity |||||||||||||||| 63%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Female cliche |||||||||||||||||| 76%

Stability results were low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Orderliness results were medium which suggests you are moderately organized, hard working, and reliable while still remaining flexible, efficient, and fun.

Extraversion results were very high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

trait snapshot:
open, tough, irritable, worrying, does not like to be alone, craves attention, low self control, emotionally sensitive, interacting, sad, very social, aggressive, prefer organized to unpredictable, dependent, social chameleon, suspicious, values the heart over the mind, likes large parties, outgoing, likes to make fun, likes to fit in, mildly phobic, vain, makes friends easily, enjoys leadership, clingy, rash

Ok. so I don't see myself in there at all with a few exceptions...so I took another test.

Paranoid	||||||	30%	49%
Schizoid	||||||	30%	53%
Schizotypal	||||||||||||	42%	53%
Antisocial	||||||||||||	46%	47%
Borderline	||||||||||||||||	66%	47%
Histrionic	||||||||||	34%	43%
Narcissistic	||||||||||||	46%	41%
Avoidant	||||||||||||	50%	39%
Dependent	||||	18%	37%
Obsessive-Compulsive	||||||||||	34%	40%

*scores in gray are the average web score

Borderline?? Avoidant?? ah phooey. I'm not even sure what those mean, but it can't be good. =P

phelan conclave...it's my party and I'll cry if I want to...

Gaming was fun. Our characters got taken to a very serious gathering of the five elven kingdoms and my human was the first "round ears" to ever step foot into their living tree. Then I proceeded to get trashed on elven wine and disrupt the panel. I rolled to see what kind of drunk I am (per the book on bars/drinking/etc.) and I rolled a Rude Lush. As soon as I had enough alcohol units I had to make Will saves or make an ass of myself. HA.

Cack is our elf, and he was the one responsible for bringing us there and also responsible for whatever trouble we make. The others were very well behaved, but he had his head in his hands alot when it came to the Claire Witch (moi). I made a lot of my saves, but then I started to fail...I tripped over my chair backwards in front of 200+ elves on my way to the pisser. I also made rude noises and strange comments about elvish inbreeding. General misbehavior. Carey gave me a bonus action point because of it. WooT! It's actually fairly dangerous to our party what I'm doing but the elves seem to be more worried about having a half-elf (darth moll) in their town, so I'm allright. Anyway, it's not like it was anything but random. hehe. I had to roll a save whenever anything remotely gave me an opportunity to be a rude lush. And my my my there were SO many opportunities.

lot more to say when I'm not talkin so much

I think I'm finally over it. I stopped sweating, my head stopped pounding without the aid of pills every two hours, and what's that I feel? Horny? Yep! I think she's cured!! HA. It must have been the right choice to keep myself home for the day.

I watched Peggy Sue Got Married with the younger, thinner Kathleen Turner, and Nic Cage, who omg looked about 17. Little Sophia Coppola was in it as well - she was definitely not a day over 14. What a great flick. I used to watch it over and over again on vhs way back when. I was always half in love with that beatnik poet Peggy Sue goes on a date with, then ends up sleeping with. There's always one guy in high school...beautiful, unattainable, and whom every girl secretly wants.

In my high school it was Al. I never saw him date anyone until college. Then he was seriously out of the closet, and I saw my dreams dashed. I wondered if he had noticed my awestruck adoration for so many years. I must have been like a puppy - at one point I noticed that he smelled better than any boy I'd ever hugged, so I snuck into his shower to see what shampoo he used. I'm 31 and I *still* use that same shampoo. HA!

Part of my adoration stemmed from him pulling me from the bottom of our friend Glen's pool and saving my life. Buuuuuuuut...I was in love for years before that, even. At first sight, you might say.

I look at pictures now and wonder wtf I was thinking...he's as flaming as a lit match, skinny enough to break in half with two pinkies, but, well...still pretty gorgeous actually. That black wavy thick hair and those expressive spanish eyes... Hmmm...at least I had good taste. He and I stayed in touch for years after I moved away, but I haven't seen or spoken to him a long time now.

just keep walkin' preacher man

music: neil young - harvest moon
mood: comme ci comme ca

Sometimes I just don't get my dad. It's like he's an alien from the planet christian, suddenly and without warning. He gets all full of religiosity and foists some stupid email upon me with orders to pass it on or whatever. Today it was the petition to reinstate prayer in public schools. I'm sorry, but wtf? I don't think I've ever seen my dad pray, let alone have an opinion about it being in public schools. I've seen the photos of him in his little white robes and such but it's so incongruous with the man I actually know, who stomps around yelling "god-dammit Linda, where's my SPAM?!"
I can understand the patriotic stuff with flags and whatnot, since he's so into the whole "I'm a vet, god bless the usa." He grew up on the rez and that's the way you're taught. All of the Pedersons up north MN are the same way. Guns, God, and big damn snowmobiles. And there's always a dead deer hanging in someone's basement.
When Grandma Kerrig (nee Pederson nee Rabanus, a German Jewish woman marrying an Indian in the uber prejudiced Iron Range, was she just the ballsiest woman alive?) was dying I drove up to Bemidji (blizzard, 6 hours) to get my dad from the small airport. He hadn't seen any of the family for 14 years, ever since he tossed his twin sister (Auntie Luella) and his mother (the aforementioned ballsy chiquita) out on the lawn of his home in Mira Mesa, and told them they could fuck off and die right. I'm realizing there's a story in a story in a story here, but I'll try not to digress too much.
I drove up to get Dad when we found out the old bat was dying of liver cancer and had about 2 weeks to live. She ended up making it 3, cause she was tough as old shoe leather. I knew Dad was going to be nervous for lots of reasons. He was the one in the family who as a child got picked on the most, just for starters. There are 10 in that batch of Pedersons, and some of them are not particularly nice to begin with. My Dad is actually the best of the bunch, although I hadn't been sure of that until I met everyone. Yikes. Scary folk.
The first thing Dad wanted to do was buy liquor, and he hardly ever drinks, so that surprised me. One miller lite every few months is usually his limit, although he usually keeps one bottle of decent Scotch in the cupboard for special occasions. He'll bust it out for company. It's very cute to see him do that. I don't believe I ever saw him drunk before that week that we visited the family. Imagine my shock when he bought a liter bottle of hard alcohol and started chugging it in the car. He was having a tough week so I didn't say word one about anything. I was prepared to just go with the flow.
We got to my uncle's place where we were supposed to be staying. Interesting people there. Mmm Hmm. Fish guts were everywhere and I got acquainted with farm life, quick. No hot shower then bed for me...a newborn calf was in the only tub. I was fairly comatose when we arrived but I vaguely recall being shouted at a lot, and made fun of right away for daring to drive a puny ford escort into the wilds of the north. All I wanted was to sleep but instead we were dragged out to the cow barn. It was seriously a LOT below zero, fucking freezing, and we were um...inspecting grain or something? No idea.
Dad and I were pure city folk in the midst of deep woods hooligans. I was vegetarian then, and just didn't eat for two days (beer goes a long way) until we drove to Black Duck (an hour at least) to get some grilled cheese. Dad wasn't eating either, but that was because he was terrified of what germs were propagating in that kitchen. Either way we were ordered to earn our keep by hunting. Dad took down a deer, and I got to wander the woods flushing deer, then I was ordered to help butcher.
Oh yes. How could I forget to mention the guns and god? Apparently all of these folk are serious jesus freaks, who had heard that I was a lesbian. yeah. So anyway I had a real fun time straightening that out (HA). But I can cock a Derringer, so that redeemed me in their eyes. Don't ask me to make that make sense. It just...was.
*shudder*
The fact that my dad escaped that life and never went back really impresses me. It takes a very strong or stubborn person to get away from that kind of net. How he made the break I don't know. He and his brothers all went to Viet Nam, but he and Jimbo never returned to the great white north. After that visit I will always be extremely grateful that I wasn't raised that way.

if you touch it I'm a start start some drama, you don't want no drama

music: black eyed peas - monkey business
mood: slightly hyper

Governor Doyle declared a state of drought emergency until Aug 14th, but storm clouds are gathering outside, and I've got the achy to confirm that a thunderstorm is on the way. Very lots of pressure. This brown grass is plenty unattractive so I can't wait to have some downpours. I should be taking this opportunity of no work, no sun, and no boyfriend in town in order to clean my shitcan apartment, but somehow I think my dishes are gonna do themselves in the washer and then I'm going to watch movies, pet cats, or run my Sims.
I made my most prodigious attempt in the game to date. I have eight Sims running simultaneously, and two of them are kids. I solved one problem by having two of the men fall in love - that way I can remove an extra bedroom and toss in another bathroom. It's so annoying the way the sims walk in on each other constantly while they're pissing. Then they stop so they can "shoo" and the whole flow is shot.
This is the pet version of the game, so I can add a cat, bird, turtle, iguana, or dog. I was planning on setting up a single sim like my own apartment with two cats and a turtle. I wonder if the sim turtles are as william wallace as salmonella is. I fed him a while ago, and he's too fucking cool to partake. He likes to wait until I've left the room, then he surreptitiously takes pieces of the pressed fish(or whatever) from which those little sticks are made. Anyway - if the sim pets are that wierd then I suppose they got it right.

the meat in your mouth as you savor the flavor of murder

music: black eyed peas - monkey business
mood: sinusey and sugar high

That does it. I have to stop listening to Morrissey when i'm PMS-ing. I start thinking about buses running over me, nicotine poison drops, and the occasional nightshade cocktail. I'm thinkin I'm gonna stick to something tame and pleasant in a Bacharach kinda way. Yep. The Crapenters. Give me Karen any day of the week and twice on Sundays and I bet I'll be uh...singing happy little songs in a happy little way, with birds on my shoulder as I dance around with toy soldiers after taking a spoonful of sugar...Wait. That's Mary Poppins. D'oh.
Actually it's a spoonful of Duncan Hines creamy homestyle classic chocolate frosting in a plastic container. And a spoon. No, I was NOT going to lick it off my fingers. Ok, I was, but typing is so much easier when I don't have sticky lickies, so I'm learning to use implements.
THIS is what Sundays are about. Rainy days and Mondays may get me down (not especially but what the heck) but Sundays are awesome for sitting around, playing Sims, and taking Midol with a chocolate frosting chaser. I don't have to work today (...and Shelley said "let there be Sims") woah - latent jesus complex.
Anyhoo, no work and all play makes Shelley a verrrrah happy midol-laden chocoholic.

I knew it.

To quote a good friend of mine: "Teh bitch0rz."

Now the party has been foisted upon Stu and Carey last minute, with the only reason I can see being that the Black Widow Spider (yeah, she's back to that, I have washed my hands of the whole peace agenda) just can't handle the idea of me coming to her little nest that she shares with the Punk, especially since she's under the misapprehension that I want my ex for booty calls. Sorry Sweetcheeks, my booty's busy, and entirely uninterested.
I sincerely hope that none of my friends feel like this is my fault. I started out as the injured party...and have moved on to become the pariah responsible for psycho-bitch's personal issues. We'll just have to see how things pan out on Friday. I realize that the BWS has never really fit in with our group, but can she seriously think that acting like Veruca Salt is going to get her any further? I feel sorry for Stu and Carey that they have to live next door to the dramatics, and that they can't really get away from it. Good fences make good neighbors as someone famous once said (can't recall who right now but it was on Jeopardy so I should remember eventually.), and boyyyyyyyyy would kenneling that psychobitch be a good idea. I'm thinking padded room for Springer guests.

gasping - but somehow still alive

Oh fuck it. I'm like a train wheel, rusty in the middle, shiny on the edges, and just keeps rollin' along on the track to nowhere. There was a great line from a Smiths song in 1984 or '85..."and when the day that I felt a natural emotion I'd get such a shock I'd probably jump in the ocean." - I just feel that way sometimes. Is everything recycled? Is nothing fresh and new? I'm a walking cliche. I hardly see the use in anything these days. I was thinking that I am more than likely once again hitting some kind of depressive streak, but damn, I don't believe that ever changed the reality of my existence. It's always raining somewhere.

I'd like to be one of those cool people that never lets anything get to them - happy all the time and lovin' every minute of it. Even that's fucking depressing. I don't know if I ever really feel happy, or if I have some internal imperative to keep trying before I end up driving my car off a bridge just to see what it feels like. I was contemplating different ways to suicide and I think I can settle for nicotine if it comes down to it. A friend tells me that ten pounds of tobacco could be distilled down into drops of poison that would kill me in thirty seconds. Neurotoxin. I feel a bit like Cleopatra in a way, but I don't have any slaves that I know of. I don't think I'd experiment that way; too much hassle just for me. I think if I could believe the thirty second thing I would be set. Nightshade could work as well, and it grows locally, but I don't want anything that tastes too bad. I mean, brew your last drink and it tastes like ass? Not hardly. It had better be good if it's the last thing that I ever taste. Lime margarita-flavored poison, perhaps? Could work, but who'd test it? Again with the snag.
I guess if I really tried I could find a really venomous snake. I'd have to be sure about the venom before I let it bite me. I know that cobras have a kickass neurotoxin that would have me hallucinating in five minutes, unconscious in fifteen, and dead in twenty. The one guy that lived to tell about it said it was the best trip he'd ever had. I don't know about nicotine. Thirty seconds till it hit my brain and stopped my heart. Yeah, except I would only have my friend's word on that. If a cobra's venom takes twenty minutes, then how would the nicotine be different, being that they are both neurotoxins? That doesn't seem to make much sense. I'll have to google it. I mean, contemplating suicide is a lot different that actually doing it. I'm so picky that even if I really was going to end my life I would spend way too long making sure I got it right. bah.

ack and double ack!

I'm so fucking sick of hearing about how much my ex-bf's new gf hates me. There are times in life when it's good to hear that you affect another person in a lot of ways, but for pete's sake, why will this never end?? I'm wondering why a mutual friend's birthday party was scheduled to be at the ex's house, when obviously his psycho hosebeast can't get over it. So I called a friend on the punk's phone, because, well, he was over at their house and didn't answer his phone. How does that come to mean that I am making a booty call to the punk? A booty call? Jesus christ since when have I ever made booty calls?

let she who is without sin...yadda yadda

music: blessed silence
mood: bet I could sleep quick-still and all pretty mellow

Fabulous day, pretty much. I got lots done, didn't have to worry about anyone moving, and I got to see Stu and Carey at Rolling Pin for coffee. That was unexpected, and ended up to be a longer chat than I wanted. I liked catching up with them, but I needed to work, and Carey told me way too much about the kind of work she does with lab animals. I didn't want to give into my urge to weep copiously at the table, so I settled for changing the subject. I have seen how much Ciaren cares for her pets, and I know she's as humane with the subjects as possible, but still I was unsettled. TMI when I want to like someone. It's sort of like when Joshua told me about his bad stuff, and I wanted to overlook it because I just wanted to see the best in him. (And he was damn cute, even if he *did* know it.) Some things just don't work out the way we want them to.
I much prefer knowing the people I'm friends with aren't doing things which contradict every value I've got. When I find something out like that it really makes me feel like I need a shower just by association. And goddamn it, I'm not fucking perfect, either- but I know right from wrong and some things just ain't right no matter how you spin it. And I'm not puritanical with my beliefs at all. I think I've got a few standard things that I deep down just disagree with and have trouble smoothing out in my head. Vivisection's a big one. Cheating on your significant other is another. There are way too many to list, but it seems like people want to spill their nasty secrets to me because maybe I seem nonjudgemental about a lot of things. What they don't get perhaps is that I'm very judgemental, I just try not to pounce unless I feel uber justified. I can't be throwin' stones while I'm livin' in this glass house unless I plan on eating in the basement a spell.

oh the horror!!!!!!!!!

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, the first woman on the U.S. Supreme Court and a moderate conservative who often cast the decisive vote on abortion and other contentious issues, announced her retirement on Friday, and a political battle immediately began over her successor.

I'm in a tizzy - I've been on the phone with the folks at the NARAL (national abortion rights action league) and they're in a tizzy too. It'll be interesting to be at the farmer's market tomorrow, volunteering. The coordinator is going to meet me and the other volunteer in the lobby of the offices to give us all kinds of new stuff for the public consumption on the Square. It'll be entertaining, at the very least. I've already made my phone calls to our wisconsin members of the Senate Judiciary Committee to URGE them to block any candidates who are anti-choice. What's a few bucks to call DC when it's necessary??

Wisconsin is the only state with two senators on the Judiciary Committee -- if we are going to save the Supreme Court, we must stop President Bush's anti-choice nominees. Senators Kohl and Feingold, while pro-choice, are influential and must hear from constituents to continue filibustering anti-choice nominees. We also need them as leaders, helping to bolster other moderates who might waver.
Here's the number if anyone wants to phone in their concerns:

Senator Feingold's office:
(202) 224-5323
Senator Kohl's office:
(202) 224-5653

Leave your name and address and tell 'em you don't want them to do anything to jeopardize Roe V. Wade...which is the first thing on the chopping block if fucking stupid ass Bush has his way with the nominees!!!!!!!!!

so fucking lucky

yep - that's right. I'm so fucking lucky. I will always have shit going on to make me question my life, but in general things are pretty goddamn good. I mean, how many people can say that they enjoy their work almost all the time? I like my bosses, I like my co-workers, I like my staff (mostly), I like my clients, and I enjoy the type of work I do. Even my second job is purty all right. Then, my apartment isn't the worst in the world...I got a new refrigerator for signing my lease again, they're fairly fast on the draw with repairs and concerns I've got, the apartment manager is easily accessible and just down the street if I need to pop in to discuss or whatnot. The service guy (although nudist and creepy) is always super quick to see what I need, and he will follow up to see if things were done right. New washers and dryers finally in...so no worries in the living space arrangements. Of course, my roommates...the Xexe and Moj-man can be stinky at times, but what can ya do? Cats fart. And poop, and throw up, and lick their butts, and generally annoy their owners. That's their JOB. I understand this. I still love em.
Ok well one hiccup in things is that I was really super dooper
BREAK! SUN CAME OUT!! Goddamn I need a desk with a window sometime.

Ok, so the hiccup is that I was really looking forward to seeing Debra this weekend and she can't make it. I haven't seen her in way to long and I'm prepared to kidnap her one of these days and get her to vacate. Um...I'm sure that's not the right way to say take a vacation and take it with ME.
I miss her terribly, although I have great friends, a great boyfriend, and things to keep me busy. I still miss My Debra!! So boooooooooooo that she can't come. I was ....
BREAK - SUN AGAIN!!!!! WOOOOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm at my boss' computer while he's out of the office. Dammit he's leaving too, that just pisses me off. I actually cried when I found out, but I have no real idea why. We aren't super close or anything, although we do get along. I have discovered that I feel very protective of him - but I can explain that. He goes to bat for everyone. He also works harder than anyone I've ever seen. I don't know how the office is going to function without the backbone he provided all these years. Maybe he'll come back someday, but it won't be soon, and I'm going to miss him a lot.