Oh Cindy. Thank you for doing so much for our nation and for our people. I feel sick about everything that has been said about you to discredit you and your important cause.
Read Cindy's words here. It's incredibly sad.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
heartbreaking.
Oh Cindy. Thank you for doing so much for our nation and for our people. I feel sick about everything that has been said about you to discredit you and your important cause.
Read Cindy's words here. It's incredibly sad.
Scapegoat or Mojo-Killer?
This man headed up China's food and drug administration and he's been sentenced to die for taking bribes that equal approximately 425K (in pounds) to let unsafe products go to market. You can read the entire article here, but if this is the guy responsible for the poisoning deaths of thousands of animals including my long-time companion, the wonderful Mojo Risin' Kitty, then I say kill the fucker. Ok, that's what I feel, but really he should rot in prison forever. Killing him won't bring back anyone.
I've arrived!
And by that I mean I received some hate mail, finally. Assholes. Actually the first one was "Concern Troll" mail that expounded upon my sickness for you know, having a brain and thinking critically about the world. But I must have come from a broken home. So! I told him in no uncertain terms that he should fuck off, and I ended it there. The VERY NEXT email was again purporting to be anonymous, and it was some kind of spam attempt at Democrat-bashing humor. I also told him to fuck off, after letting him know that those emails aren't exactly anonymous, I mean, duh! So two directly in a row, both with attempts at anonymity. That's really not how the internets work. It's so easy to find IP addresses and real names. However, because of my seemingly newfound popularity among idiots I will be more careful about my personal info. I have had, in the past, another email from the Fuckwit Concern Troll, but I ignored it. I was glad to at least get the chance to tell him to fuck off. That felt good.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
#429 - Untitled
For the love of CHRIST. How annoying can one job be? I think I'm probably just tired from getting to bed late last night, but blech! I'm also having quite a bad hair day, and I have to work late, which means I'll get to bed late once again. With bad hair.
Within a half hour of each other two of my staff informed me that they just don't feel like working weekends until Summer is over. Hm. Well, considering that our clients don't stop needing to eat, drink, and piss because it's the weekend that sort of makes things difficult for me. I'm not going to try to have a new staff person begin work only to take the hours away again once the prior staff feel like it. WTF? Whatever supervisor they had before, I'm so not that person. I may just take the hours away altogether because I'm tired of all the switches. It doesn't help me to be pissy with my staff but goddamn. I used to work direct-care too, and I was never this big a pain in the ass. I kept a very precise calendar even though I was jumping around to multiple households on a daily basis, 24 hours a day. I had to - but it sure was appreciated back then.
Now it's all about staff asking me to bend over inside outside forward backward and every which way. Yeah, they work the direct care hours. For this the company rewards them with what we like to call a paycheck. I know, I know, it's crazy, but that's what we do. Also, I appreciate their work. I tell them this. Apparently it's not enough that we pay them and appreciate them. I somehow think they want us (me) to bow down and kiss their feet. Why? I did the same fucking job for 12 years, I never felt like a fucking saint on a stick.
What I've never understood since coming to the midwest is this feeling of entitlement that people have!! I really hope I never start feeling like I deserve everything. Nobody owes me dick. Well, one person but he sorta gets happy about that so I don't argue. My point is that I don't feel like the world owes me a free meal. I work for a living and pay my own bills. I don't complain that I shouldn't have to work because I'm so much better than somebody else, or because the work is below me. I was the one who went to a client's house and administered (and was sprayed by) a fleet enema. So nobody can tell me I'm above any fucking work.
I still remember scraping by on three jobs in San Diego, and waiting months for one opening at an ice cream scoop shop that paid minimum wage, so that I could at least have a pleasant work environment instead of a biker dive tending bar. And these people up here who have been raised to think they deserve to have anything they want just because they're special, and I'm the one who has to deal with it and not tell them to take a flying fuck because who else is going to work when everyone thinks the job is beneath them too? It's a fucking waste of my time and energy to stroke their egos when I spent too many years just doing my job, doing it well, and not acting like I wanted a medal for it.
Within a half hour of each other two of my staff informed me that they just don't feel like working weekends until Summer is over. Hm. Well, considering that our clients don't stop needing to eat, drink, and piss because it's the weekend that sort of makes things difficult for me. I'm not going to try to have a new staff person begin work only to take the hours away again once the prior staff feel like it. WTF? Whatever supervisor they had before, I'm so not that person. I may just take the hours away altogether because I'm tired of all the switches. It doesn't help me to be pissy with my staff but goddamn. I used to work direct-care too, and I was never this big a pain in the ass. I kept a very precise calendar even though I was jumping around to multiple households on a daily basis, 24 hours a day. I had to - but it sure was appreciated back then.
Now it's all about staff asking me to bend over inside outside forward backward and every which way. Yeah, they work the direct care hours. For this the company rewards them with what we like to call a paycheck. I know, I know, it's crazy, but that's what we do. Also, I appreciate their work. I tell them this. Apparently it's not enough that we pay them and appreciate them. I somehow think they want us (me) to bow down and kiss their feet. Why? I did the same fucking job for 12 years, I never felt like a fucking saint on a stick.
What I've never understood since coming to the midwest is this feeling of entitlement that people have!! I really hope I never start feeling like I deserve everything. Nobody owes me dick. Well, one person but he sorta gets happy about that so I don't argue. My point is that I don't feel like the world owes me a free meal. I work for a living and pay my own bills. I don't complain that I shouldn't have to work because I'm so much better than somebody else, or because the work is below me. I was the one who went to a client's house and administered (and was sprayed by) a fleet enema. So nobody can tell me I'm above any fucking work.
I still remember scraping by on three jobs in San Diego, and waiting months for one opening at an ice cream scoop shop that paid minimum wage, so that I could at least have a pleasant work environment instead of a biker dive tending bar. And these people up here who have been raised to think they deserve to have anything they want just because they're special, and I'm the one who has to deal with it and not tell them to take a flying fuck because who else is going to work when everyone thinks the job is beneath them too? It's a fucking waste of my time and energy to stroke their egos when I spent too many years just doing my job, doing it well, and not acting like I wanted a medal for it.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Mmmmmerlot.
So the BF is moving some of his things to the apartment in the never-ending quest to be my Cabana Boy. He found three bottles of a 1993 Navarra merlot called Vega Sindoa. From the Cigar Aficionado wine critic this received an 85. The full quote said: " Bright fruit and sweet oak give immediate appeal. Plump with plum and blackberry flavors. Balanced and firm."
I popped the cork and took a small drink to see if it would need to breathe. There was a very sharp tannic jump in that first sip, so I filled the glass and let it air for about 30 minutes before trying that again.
Mmmm! Something went right at this vineyard. The aroma of fruit just assaults the nose in a beautiful way before you even get it to your mouth. There's no bitterness, just sweet sweet blackberry for the most part. The other fruit comes out after it's been on the palate awhile. This is not a simple merlot... It's a damn good thing there are only three bottles because otherwise I'd need an intervention at some point, and I'm too old for AA.
Poor Xe.
Before I lost my Mojo (companion to Xerox for eight years) I was under the assumption that cats just moved on when their owners lost another pet. Xerox is 16 now, and he didn't do that at all. He wandered round the apartment crying piteously until we brought D'arby home. She has claws (he does not) and is almost 15 years younger. I was worried for his safety but at least he quit crying. Since we integrated her into the household the change is amazing.
Yesterday the two of them were rumbling through the apartment chasing each other backwards and forwards, and they barrelled into the living room, D'arby flying under the futon, and Xerox up on top to cut her off on the other side. Well, D'arby flew out the other direction and went back across the apartment to the bedroom, but Xerox can't hear so well these days, and he didn't quite catch that she was already gone. He patrolled the top and eventually went to the end, looked under, and just howled.
I just wanted to tell him she was gone - save him the trouble - but I don't speak Cat. Poor Xero. He got down and eventually took a nap. *sigh*
Yesterday the two of them were rumbling through the apartment chasing each other backwards and forwards, and they barrelled into the living room, D'arby flying under the futon, and Xerox up on top to cut her off on the other side. Well, D'arby flew out the other direction and went back across the apartment to the bedroom, but Xerox can't hear so well these days, and he didn't quite catch that she was already gone. He patrolled the top and eventually went to the end, looked under, and just howled.
I just wanted to tell him she was gone - save him the trouble - but I don't speak Cat. Poor Xero. He got down and eventually took a nap. *sigh*
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Been workin.
I decided to re-arrange a bit. The shelf in my kitchen was blocking the window and it's fucking small enough already. So anyway I fixed it. Then, I had some small mirrors I picked up at IKEA and I thought I'd make the sink area (also fucking tiny) look a little bit larger.
What's hilarious is that if you look closely at this photo, the shotglass does indeed say EverQuest. I didn't realize that at first, but I'll be damned if I'll redo the whole thing when everyone already knows I'm just a gaming weirdo.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Just don't show me a jar of pickles
So I'm watching a show on PBS about foster parents for dogs and I'm bawling my eyes out. These dogs are so amazingly cute and I'm just so happy to see these people helping all these beautiful animals. The couple they highlighted started out fostering pets from the local humane society, but then struck out and started their own fostering organization called S.T.A.R.S. People like this should get all the thanks in the world, and I want a dog! On the show they talked about chihuahuas a lot, and showed a bunch of different types of the small dog. When I was a kid I grew up around lots and lots of those dogs - my grandmother always had at least two or three running around, and I fell in love with them. There was Cuddles when I was 5, then LadyBug and Tiny and Feisty, who were her pups and grand-pups. What awesome pets. I miss LadyBug. She died when I was about 16. She was your typical chihuahua - black with some white on one of her paws. She would sit in a person's arms and just talk. She talked a lot, it was sort of a "ruhrr...ruhrr" kind of talking, not barking or whining, but really talking. She'd put her face up to yours and just talk away. It was precious.
Ok, now that I've completely blown my tough chick image I will present myself for some well earned teasing. Commence.
Ok, now that I've completely blown my tough chick image I will present myself for some well earned teasing. Commence.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Ugh!
There was one fucking thing I really needed to blog about today but for the life of me I cannot recall what the fuck it was. Maybe swearing? Huh.
I am pretty disturbed by my brother's wedding. It's set for the same weekend as another friend is tying the knot so I can't go anyway - but the whole family thing disturbs me. I'm being crushed under the expectation from my father that I will go the four hours' drive and spend all day and night outside in the Minnesota heat with mosquitoes and people I don't like all to keep the peace.
Right.
I've had this discussion with the boyfriend because he knows how forceful my dad can be and he is worried about my well-being if I'm forced to endure a family function. I have had serious issues with family members for years, and cut off all contact with just about everyone a long time ago. Right now I see my Dad (plus step-mom, sister) in San Diego about once a year, and besides that I go onto the family website and talk to a couple of aunties and a cousin. We don't see each other and haven't for years. I'm okay with that.
I don't speak to the rest of my immediate family. My mother's been dead for years. My sisters who live up north in Minnesota are pretty much dead to me already. My brother may as well be too, except for this wedding thing and he's on the family site once in a while.
Last year one of sisters was diagnosed with a nasty cancer and I was contacted by the oldest one so that I could "fix" everything for them like I always had done. I made the mistake of feeling like I was obligated to go up there and visit. I took the BF and went up to the woods of Hickville, Minnesota and boy what a bad move on my part. I was a total depressed mess for months. I couldn't work effectively or deal with anything in my life. I was blowing off everything and everyone because I was such a mess. I could easily say my sister had cancer so it would explain why I was a mess but that was a lie while still being true. I also could have said that I had been in the hospital around the same time my sister had been, plus been diagnosed with UC and on a lot of medications that also messed me up. True, but still I considered it an excuse.
The truth was and is still that my family is dysfunctional and I hate my brother and sisters and don't want to see any of them as long as I live. I have very good reasons for hating them and I may go into it one day.
That I hate them is one thing. That my father, who I do not hate, wants me to spend time with them in order to spend time with him, because he's going to the wedding, is another thing entirely. He wants for the family to get together and go up to the goddamned Reservation and talk about how poor we all were and look at the tar paper shacks that have no electricity or running water. As a kid I wasn't impressed with extreme poverty, and I'm not now either. I don't want to act like the devoted little sister I used to be. I don't want to have to pretend that I don't want to stick a fucking crowbar into my brother's head. I want to be free of the whole mess. I mean, my father left the fucking Rez and went thousands of miles away to California for a REASON. And I don't mean Vietnam. Once he got back he left permanently and could only be bothered to come back when my brother was on the lam after killing someone and we were all in the newspapers and being followed by the FBI for over a month.
He also came back for my wedding - and said my sister's name when he was standing up for me. Thanks a whole fucking lot, Dad. Don't worry, my mother said the wrong name too. It's not like anyone was going to give me any respect, like ever, even on my fucking wedding day.
Yeah. So what I don't need is to spend any time with my family that doesn't involve me flying to the safety and cleanliness of California, renting a car, and being on my own terms.
I am pretty disturbed by my brother's wedding. It's set for the same weekend as another friend is tying the knot so I can't go anyway - but the whole family thing disturbs me. I'm being crushed under the expectation from my father that I will go the four hours' drive and spend all day and night outside in the Minnesota heat with mosquitoes and people I don't like all to keep the peace.
Right.
I've had this discussion with the boyfriend because he knows how forceful my dad can be and he is worried about my well-being if I'm forced to endure a family function. I have had serious issues with family members for years, and cut off all contact with just about everyone a long time ago. Right now I see my Dad (plus step-mom, sister) in San Diego about once a year, and besides that I go onto the family website and talk to a couple of aunties and a cousin. We don't see each other and haven't for years. I'm okay with that.
I don't speak to the rest of my immediate family. My mother's been dead for years. My sisters who live up north in Minnesota are pretty much dead to me already. My brother may as well be too, except for this wedding thing and he's on the family site once in a while.
Last year one of sisters was diagnosed with a nasty cancer and I was contacted by the oldest one so that I could "fix" everything for them like I always had done. I made the mistake of feeling like I was obligated to go up there and visit. I took the BF and went up to the woods of Hickville, Minnesota and boy what a bad move on my part. I was a total depressed mess for months. I couldn't work effectively or deal with anything in my life. I was blowing off everything and everyone because I was such a mess. I could easily say my sister had cancer so it would explain why I was a mess but that was a lie while still being true. I also could have said that I had been in the hospital around the same time my sister had been, plus been diagnosed with UC and on a lot of medications that also messed me up. True, but still I considered it an excuse.
The truth was and is still that my family is dysfunctional and I hate my brother and sisters and don't want to see any of them as long as I live. I have very good reasons for hating them and I may go into it one day.
That I hate them is one thing. That my father, who I do not hate, wants me to spend time with them in order to spend time with him, because he's going to the wedding, is another thing entirely. He wants for the family to get together and go up to the goddamned Reservation and talk about how poor we all were and look at the tar paper shacks that have no electricity or running water. As a kid I wasn't impressed with extreme poverty, and I'm not now either. I don't want to act like the devoted little sister I used to be. I don't want to have to pretend that I don't want to stick a fucking crowbar into my brother's head. I want to be free of the whole mess. I mean, my father left the fucking Rez and went thousands of miles away to California for a REASON. And I don't mean Vietnam. Once he got back he left permanently and could only be bothered to come back when my brother was on the lam after killing someone and we were all in the newspapers and being followed by the FBI for over a month.
He also came back for my wedding - and said my sister's name when he was standing up for me. Thanks a whole fucking lot, Dad. Don't worry, my mother said the wrong name too. It's not like anyone was going to give me any respect, like ever, even on my fucking wedding day.
Yeah. So what I don't need is to spend any time with my family that doesn't involve me flying to the safety and cleanliness of California, renting a car, and being on my own terms.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
International Day Against Homophobia
I like this idea. Too many bigots out there want to oppress segments of the population (...just because they think they can) and I will always say no!In fact, I'll always follow up that no with a Fuck you, bigoted asswipe. However, I really wish there was an international feeling against homophobia every single day of the year.
UPDATE: To celebrate this day I watched the movie "In and Out." God I'm a geek, but I love the fake Oscars when they portray a gay soldier getting kicked out for having the Bette Midler movie Beaches and Matt Dillon says "Give that back!"
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Well how about that!
I'm sorta jazzed. I've been feeling like I was a million pounds (and not in a good moneyed sort of way, that) and then I put on a pair of shorts for house-lounging (yes I'm lounging today then going in way later and working late too) and they were tight last summer. They're hanging loose off my hips. Well, if that ain't enough to make my day. :)
Well, I do still have an entire box of Leonidas chocolates I haven't gotten to yet. Hmm...
Oh, and what I'm working on today??
This.
Well, I do still have an entire box of Leonidas chocolates I haven't gotten to yet. Hmm...
Oh, and what I'm working on today??
This.
Monday, May 14, 2007
another fucking monday
Seriously- WTF? I have received two emails, two faxes (!), and three voicemails since I left the office on Friday afternoon. Oh, did I mention it's from ONE person?? This guy is really fucked up, and I knew that, but I have to do my job, and that includes telling people to cover their shifts before they take time off. Because I know he's a major freak I have kept copies of everything in his personnel file so I have proof of any insanity. Good thing, too! Faxes?? Jesus Christ on a fucking stick.
I wrote him an email letting him know that I would help him out by asking around if any staff were willing to train/cover while he's gone for a week. I guess that completely set him off and he was acting like I was firing him? Or something. I don't speak Freak fluently. What a dumb ass.
I deleted the voicemails without listening to them, and I tossed the faxes and copies of the emails to file later, and left it. I'm still kind of weirded out having to deal with this guy. Bleh.
BUT! Some people from Panera Bread dropped by with FREE bagels for the office, so it's all working out.
I wrote him an email letting him know that I would help him out by asking around if any staff were willing to train/cover while he's gone for a week. I guess that completely set him off and he was acting like I was firing him? Or something. I don't speak Freak fluently. What a dumb ass.
I deleted the voicemails without listening to them, and I tossed the faxes and copies of the emails to file later, and left it. I'm still kind of weirded out having to deal with this guy. Bleh.
BUT! Some people from Panera Bread dropped by with FREE bagels for the office, so it's all working out.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Weekend Update
I haven't really had good experiences with porn. I'm outgoing, no hangups about sex, and willing to try pretty much anything once to see if it's for me, twice if I like it, and three times to be sure (to steal a Mae West quote, ha!). I decided last year sometime that it was time for me to (gasp!) buy my first porn movie. With a friend I went to the local adult toy store to check out their titles. This place was very intimidating. I had no idea what I was looking for, and they have row upon row of every kind of kink one can imagine. I was overwhelmed. Eventually I settled on something called "Naughty and Nice," which seemed pretty normal and nothing too weird. I got it home, and there was, under the label, another label that read: ATM. I thought: Automatic Teller Machine? Hmm. I showed the boyfriend and he didn't know either. We checked the liner notes, because it seemed fairly obvious it was meant to be something important about the video. Well, wouldn't it then have been labeled on the outside where I had a chance to see it before I bought it? Anyway, we decided to just see the video and try to decipher the letters based on the porn.
Ok. We started watching, and about five minutes in it all became clear. I became aware that the fucking was not your average penis-enters-vagina or mouth, rinse and repeat. Hey now, that's not right! It was straight up ass-fucking, and then...and then...into her mouth? ATM...Ass to Mouth. Ok. Instant Ew.... then the thought...Why?? Why?? So for my first movie I bought totally disgusting swill of porn? Wasted money, and I didn't try it again.
Ok I need to rant more about this. I think ATM is fairly disgusting and must be a specific kink for people who like to see women abused. Therefore, why in the fuck would a video about it not be labeled so? Why trick someone into buying it with an innocuous title like "Naughty and Nice?" I mean, if someone is into it, they're into it, and they don't need to be tricked. Besides that, there are hundreds if not thousands of porn videos like that labeled correctly, and I'm not going to be buying them. I'm sure there are enough videos of all kinds to go around. Damn.
Ok. Rant off.
About six months after the atm "incident" the BF got a movie at the adult store around the corner. Since it was his turn to try the movie thing I was okay with it, but no way was I going to be the one choosing. The movie looked pretty decent from the cover - nothing super low budget or weird. I saw a few minutes of it, but again - it ended up being way out there and not appealing to me. If it looks painful you can count me out immediately. A woman begins fisting herself in the first scene almost immediately, while some guy with a cigarette degrades her verbally. We never actually watched the whole thing because it was obvious that it wasn't a turn-on for either of us. Strike Two.
I was starting to think that maybe I just thought porn was okay, but really it's not. Maybe it's all about the mistreatment of women so that men can get off on it. What kind of fucked up industry is that, anyway? Here I'm trying to be open minded and all I'm seeing is nasty shit that should offend anyone! And uh, Ow! That looks painful. Sex should not make a person wince.
So this weekend - we decided to visit the woman-friendly adult store here in town, and it turns out that they have a lot of videos that are decidedly non-abusive or sick, that feature men and women, and we can rent before we buy! Hallelujah! I was kind of worried it would be all lesbian titles or something and can we say ZZZZZzzzz? Sorry, not interested in looking at other women's privates. If there is at least one guy for me to look at then it's fine, but I see myself naked every day of the week at least once or twice, and really - it's not that exciting. My boyfriend would disagree - but if my own body got me hot then I think that would be a problem. Him getting excited is a good thing. Me? Not so much.
We rented one title - something about "Together Forever" or something like that - and it's a similar theme to the movie "Ghost." Of course then we ended up going to the Dick Dale show and never got around to watching it. Then, we were so hung over we didn't get to either, then we went to a mustard museum/shop and got dinner and then I was pissy and tired and he was dealing with personal stuff so we also didn't get around to it. I'm sure we'll see it at some point, and GODDAMN it why are the neighbors playing loud music at 11:24 on a Sunday night?
Anyway. I'm not suprised at my pissiness. I was hungover all day, and then I didn't want to sleep earlier but I also didn't want to get involved in WoW because I thought we were going out, so I ended up falling asleep anyway and messing up my sleep cycle - and yeah, I'm still pissy about it. I'm pissy in general and have been all day. Waiting on someone and putting off doing anything because of it and then nothing happens just kind of irritates me.
Here's where a blog really becomes a journal. I do not blog to entertain. Sometimes it's just the real shit that comes out, and I'm not going to apologize for it. Fuck that.
I have been really fucking depressed for the last couple of days. The nature of my job depresses the hell out of me. I despise getting backed into corners and it seems that they should have written that into my job description because it happens so often. I am robbing Peter to pay Paul when it comes to staffing - and I always have to pretend that I don't fucking hate doing it. I just wish it was easier sometimes.
I cried for a long time the other morning, and I don't cry that often. I cried because I'm angry and upset and I cry when I'm mad. I am angry because supervising people sucks. There's a woman who lives to manipulate people and I hate it. She started in on me the other day, telling me she wanted me to help her by lying to somebody else to get the other person to do something. That isn't how I operate. I started thinking while she was talking - thinking about all the different ways of responding to her, and also of how to deal with the other person involved. I hate that every problem falls on me. I hate that I get stuck in horrible situations just so I keep the peace. I ended up telling the woman that I would just do what needed to be done and waste a whole day of my life in Hell just so she'd stop talking. No, I didn't put it like that. I wish I could just fucking say what happened but too many people read this blog.
It's no wonder I'm so pissed off and have been since Friday. I'm tempted to start a fight with just about anyone right now. I biked for hours on Saturday and I'm still not relaxed. What the fuck? What's it going to take before I can deal with my life and job? I can't even try to sleep because I fucking fell asleep earlier waiting for the bf to get done with whatever so we could get going but then that never happened...arrrgh! I'm just pissed off. Seriously pissed off and I thought I was maybe tired or something but it's been days now and I am not calming down. I heard a quote once that depression was anger turned inside. Well in or out I feel like hell.
Ok. We started watching, and about five minutes in it all became clear. I became aware that the fucking was not your average penis-enters-vagina or mouth, rinse and repeat. Hey now, that's not right! It was straight up ass-fucking, and then...and then...into her mouth? ATM...Ass to Mouth. Ok. Instant Ew.... then the thought...Why?? Why?? So for my first movie I bought totally disgusting swill of porn? Wasted money, and I didn't try it again.
Ok I need to rant more about this. I think ATM is fairly disgusting and must be a specific kink for people who like to see women abused. Therefore, why in the fuck would a video about it not be labeled so? Why trick someone into buying it with an innocuous title like "Naughty and Nice?" I mean, if someone is into it, they're into it, and they don't need to be tricked. Besides that, there are hundreds if not thousands of porn videos like that labeled correctly, and I'm not going to be buying them. I'm sure there are enough videos of all kinds to go around. Damn.
Ok. Rant off.
About six months after the atm "incident" the BF got a movie at the adult store around the corner. Since it was his turn to try the movie thing I was okay with it, but no way was I going to be the one choosing. The movie looked pretty decent from the cover - nothing super low budget or weird. I saw a few minutes of it, but again - it ended up being way out there and not appealing to me. If it looks painful you can count me out immediately. A woman begins fisting herself in the first scene almost immediately, while some guy with a cigarette degrades her verbally. We never actually watched the whole thing because it was obvious that it wasn't a turn-on for either of us. Strike Two.
I was starting to think that maybe I just thought porn was okay, but really it's not. Maybe it's all about the mistreatment of women so that men can get off on it. What kind of fucked up industry is that, anyway? Here I'm trying to be open minded and all I'm seeing is nasty shit that should offend anyone! And uh, Ow! That looks painful. Sex should not make a person wince.
So this weekend - we decided to visit the woman-friendly adult store here in town, and it turns out that they have a lot of videos that are decidedly non-abusive or sick, that feature men and women, and we can rent before we buy! Hallelujah! I was kind of worried it would be all lesbian titles or something and can we say ZZZZZzzzz? Sorry, not interested in looking at other women's privates. If there is at least one guy for me to look at then it's fine, but I see myself naked every day of the week at least once or twice, and really - it's not that exciting. My boyfriend would disagree - but if my own body got me hot then I think that would be a problem. Him getting excited is a good thing. Me? Not so much.
We rented one title - something about "Together Forever" or something like that - and it's a similar theme to the movie "Ghost." Of course then we ended up going to the Dick Dale show and never got around to watching it. Then, we were so hung over we didn't get to either, then we went to a mustard museum/shop and got dinner and then I was pissy and tired and he was dealing with personal stuff so we also didn't get around to it. I'm sure we'll see it at some point, and GODDAMN it why are the neighbors playing loud music at 11:24 on a Sunday night?
Anyway. I'm not suprised at my pissiness. I was hungover all day, and then I didn't want to sleep earlier but I also didn't want to get involved in WoW because I thought we were going out, so I ended up falling asleep anyway and messing up my sleep cycle - and yeah, I'm still pissy about it. I'm pissy in general and have been all day. Waiting on someone and putting off doing anything because of it and then nothing happens just kind of irritates me.
Here's where a blog really becomes a journal. I do not blog to entertain. Sometimes it's just the real shit that comes out, and I'm not going to apologize for it. Fuck that.
I have been really fucking depressed for the last couple of days. The nature of my job depresses the hell out of me. I despise getting backed into corners and it seems that they should have written that into my job description because it happens so often. I am robbing Peter to pay Paul when it comes to staffing - and I always have to pretend that I don't fucking hate doing it. I just wish it was easier sometimes.
I cried for a long time the other morning, and I don't cry that often. I cried because I'm angry and upset and I cry when I'm mad. I am angry because supervising people sucks. There's a woman who lives to manipulate people and I hate it. She started in on me the other day, telling me she wanted me to help her by lying to somebody else to get the other person to do something. That isn't how I operate. I started thinking while she was talking - thinking about all the different ways of responding to her, and also of how to deal with the other person involved. I hate that every problem falls on me. I hate that I get stuck in horrible situations just so I keep the peace. I ended up telling the woman that I would just do what needed to be done and waste a whole day of my life in Hell just so she'd stop talking. No, I didn't put it like that. I wish I could just fucking say what happened but too many people read this blog.
It's no wonder I'm so pissed off and have been since Friday. I'm tempted to start a fight with just about anyone right now. I biked for hours on Saturday and I'm still not relaxed. What the fuck? What's it going to take before I can deal with my life and job? I can't even try to sleep because I fucking fell asleep earlier waiting for the bf to get done with whatever so we could get going but then that never happened...arrrgh! I'm just pissed off. Seriously pissed off and I thought I was maybe tired or something but it's been days now and I am not calming down. I heard a quote once that depression was anger turned inside. Well in or out I feel like hell.
I'm so hungover. WORTH IT!!
My honey loves surf guitar. I do too. As we were biking around Madison yesterday I saw a flyer up that said Dick Dale was going to be at the High Noon!
I said, Honey! Dick Dale, Tonight!
He said, "That's it, we're goin', that's all there is to it, we're fuckin' goin'. " (If you don't recognize this quote, then you may want to re-watch Pulp Fiction.)
We like the High Noon and go there when we know someone who's playing a gig. We biked over and stood in line for a while, and finally they let us in. There were tons of Baby Boomers replete with Jimmy Buffet-Wear (flowered shirts) and also some weirdos that I really enjoyed mocking. There was the Kid Rock impersonator (I shit you not), and what Bill referred to as the "Peg Bundy Meets Trailerpark) if that's not already synonymous.
We drank wayyyyyy too much and then biked home in the cold. I had to wear multiple layers plus his beret because even with the obscene amount of alcohol in me I was shivering and my teeth were chattering too much for me to keep pedaling. It's May, WTF? Anyhoo - We got home roughly around 2:30am, and slept in. Coffee's helping but god-DAMN I don't need to remember how drunk I got. Heh.
Dick Dale, y'all!
He said, "That's it, we're goin', that's all there is to it, we're fuckin' goin'. " (If you don't recognize this quote, then you may want to re-watch Pulp Fiction.)
We like the High Noon and go there when we know someone who's playing a gig. We biked over and stood in line for a while, and finally they let us in. There were tons of Baby Boomers replete with Jimmy Buffet-Wear (flowered shirts) and also some weirdos that I really enjoyed mocking. There was the Kid Rock impersonator (I shit you not), and what Bill referred to as the "Peg Bundy Meets Trailerpark) if that's not already synonymous.
We drank wayyyyyy too much and then biked home in the cold. I had to wear multiple layers plus his beret because even with the obscene amount of alcohol in me I was shivering and my teeth were chattering too much for me to keep pedaling. It's May, WTF? Anyhoo - We got home roughly around 2:30am, and slept in. Coffee's helping but god-DAMN I don't need to remember how drunk I got. Heh.
Dick Dale, y'all!
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Why I like Pandagon, #35486
This cracked me up. From a recent post this commenter said:
May 10th, 2007 at 10:14 am
May 10th, 2007 at 10:14 am
My favorite is the random slaughter of fig trees for following nature’s laws:
Mark 11:13
And seeing a fig tree afar off having leaves, he came, if haply he might find any thing thereon: and when he came to it, he found nothing but leaves; for the time of figs was not yet.
11:14 And Jesus answered and said unto it, No man eat fruit of thee hereafter for ever. And his disciples heard it.
[…]
11:20 And in the morning, as they passed by, they saw the fig tree dried up from the roots.
Jesus: psycho killer or just a bully? Discuss. :-)
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Gaming Rundown
Ok! To begin with, we've been trying for two years to bring back old Gods & Goddesses that were imprisoned by the Church of the Light for thousands of years. We've finished with the Goddess of Nobility (Benari) and Fantasia, the Goddess of butterflies, if you pay attention to what she shows her followers in dreams. So now it was time to bring back the only Goddess not imprisoned. She was just pissed off and needed to be welcomed back. She is Fortuna, goddess of luck and things like that. Punxor (Rob) is her follower, and the rest of us in the party decided to lend a hand.
The day of reckoning began auspiciously. When my character awoke she was covered in flowers. Her one single rose budded plant (which has magical powers) was overloaded with multiple roses in full bloom, multi-colored, and with rose hips, which is highly unusual. The other character had oddness as well, but I was knitting and didn't really pay attention to those descriptions. Woops.
Anyway! As Minister of Health I was with the Palace contingent for the ceremonies happening which were pre-planned as a way for the Don (King) LOL - to reward the Fortunad (gypsy-sorts) with some property that we just adventured through. By the way that property is well and right fucked! It's haunted like nothing else. There's just bad mojo there. We killed lots of baddies there and I had to be ported out and healed somewhere else after being thrown into a literal torture dream in the realm of nightmares. I still need therapy. And they're giving it to the Fortunad. That's just mean. Heh.
After the ceremony the Punxor, Rafe the Bard performed a Mass to Fortuna in the courtyard of the Church of the Light. In front of 40 paladins of the Light and the Pontiff herself. Now that's cojones. Then, the elf dropped a 60-foot statue of the Goddess smack down in front of the Cathedral. Ok. That's when the shit hit the fan. About twenty men armed with swords started rushing up yelling, "Death to Blasphemers!" Then, a magical cup appeared over the head of the statue, and the gnome used his levitation ring, floated up to get the cup, and handed it to the elf, who was sitting on the statue's shoulder. We were hoping the Mass + the statue would be enough of a gesture so that the cup would appear and then Rafe could use it for the ritual to bring back Fortuna. It was required.
Ok, so just then some necromantic constructs appeared and headed straight for Rafe. They were created by necromancers of the Light (huh?) after they'd been converted to the Church, and the idea was that they'd do everything possible to stop anyone trying to bring back the old Gods. Well they run faster than Rafe, but he gave them a chase. The ritual had to happen in the basement of the local gambling establishment, which originally was a temple of Fortuna.
Rafe yelled to Claire (me, the wizard + mistress of flowers) and Gerard (paladin) to protect the Fortunad (gypsies) and then he took off running to the Shining Purse. The necromantic constructs took off after him. He ran as far as he could, then he cast a spell (he's a bard, if you didn't catch that earlier) to make them fall down, and keep falling down, so that he could run away. On top of the falling down spell the gnome (rogue + 1st level cleric of Fantasia) cast a misty fog so now the constructs could not cast line-of-sight spells and well, kill Rafe. So those two were safely on their way to the Shining Purse.
The elf (Sheridan, sorcerer) had the cup, and headed to the Purse as well. Along the way he decided to pour some special vial of liquid he'd been saving into the magic cup (which took on different forms depending who saw it), and he drank. He was taken off on some weird mystical adventure and basically he was in the middle of the street, stupefied, holding the cup, and unable to do his job.
Kelvin ("scholar" + psionic) found Sheridan, and ported him and cup back to the house of the adventurers. He waited until Sheridan came out of it, then Kelvin drank from the cup and was also transported on some magical mystery tour of somewhere, blah blah. The important thing was that Punxor, the player of Rafe, had been planning this for YEARS and these guys were not getting what he needed to the Shining Purse, and there was a chance that after someone drank from the cup it might disappear. So he was beginning to sweat, and the players of Sheridan and Kelvin were milking it. What a thing of beauty.
After Kelvin and Sheridan were done harrassing the Punxor, they decided to head down to the Shining Purse with the magic cup.
Back at the Cathedral Square there were armed men running into a crowd of panicked unarmed innocents with the intent of killing them. That would break the town charter of Free Religion and create Anarchy, which would essentially destroy the entire city. The Pontiff had been whisked away to safety within the Cathedral along with the paladins so that left me and Gerard to deal with this. The owner of the Shining Purse had some hired ruffians and they looked ready to help as well. Claire to the rescue! I witnessed the zealots striking innocent people with the butts of their swords and heading toward the Fortunad to kill them, and I decided to run right into the fray and let loose my Alluring Scent, which overpowers anyone within a 30-foot radius, and they either make a Will Save 19 or be stopped in their tracks until I say so. Let's just say the zealots didn't do so well against my flowery scent, and I maintained crowd control until one of the head paladins, Bettencourt, showed up to take them off my hands. I disarmed all the zealots and tossed the weapons to the rabble in the courtyard for presents. Then, I started tying up the jerks, and refused to give them over when Bettencourt asked. I explained how they had intended to break the city charter, and as a representative of the Don I had the right to take their heads. He assured me they'd be punished severely and thoroughly. I told him I wanted to watch. Ha! That got me an extra point from the DM who thought that was hilarious, and I eventually gave over the prisoners for Church punishment.
The owner of the Shining Purse (Valter Solingi) came over to show appreciation of how well I saved the ENTIRE city from rioting and ruin, and then I headed off to meet up with the boyz for the ceremony. At the Purse, Valter presented me with a Shining Purse coin, which means I have a lifetime membership to the club!! The Shining Purse is the most exclusive club in all of Triskellian, and now I am an honored guest for life. Wahoo!!
In the basement of the Purse Rafe drank sweat from the cup (don't ask), then went through a gigantic ritual to bring back Fortuna. She came back, said he did a good job, and then released him. The cup disappeared then, possibly inside Rafe, we don't know, but it was gone. There was a signal like a bell or chime throughout the town signifying the return of the Goddess of Fortune, and I bet the Pontiff of the Church of the Light heard it too! We're so toast. I'm glad the Don was out of town.
We had much rejoicing, then I went home happy.
The day of reckoning began auspiciously. When my character awoke she was covered in flowers. Her one single rose budded plant (which has magical powers) was overloaded with multiple roses in full bloom, multi-colored, and with rose hips, which is highly unusual. The other character had oddness as well, but I was knitting and didn't really pay attention to those descriptions. Woops.
Anyway! As Minister of Health I was with the Palace contingent for the ceremonies happening which were pre-planned as a way for the Don (King) LOL - to reward the Fortunad (gypsy-sorts) with some property that we just adventured through. By the way that property is well and right fucked! It's haunted like nothing else. There's just bad mojo there. We killed lots of baddies there and I had to be ported out and healed somewhere else after being thrown into a literal torture dream in the realm of nightmares. I still need therapy. And they're giving it to the Fortunad. That's just mean. Heh.
After the ceremony the Punxor, Rafe the Bard performed a Mass to Fortuna in the courtyard of the Church of the Light. In front of 40 paladins of the Light and the Pontiff herself. Now that's cojones. Then, the elf dropped a 60-foot statue of the Goddess smack down in front of the Cathedral. Ok. That's when the shit hit the fan. About twenty men armed with swords started rushing up yelling, "Death to Blasphemers!" Then, a magical cup appeared over the head of the statue, and the gnome used his levitation ring, floated up to get the cup, and handed it to the elf, who was sitting on the statue's shoulder. We were hoping the Mass + the statue would be enough of a gesture so that the cup would appear and then Rafe could use it for the ritual to bring back Fortuna. It was required.
Ok, so just then some necromantic constructs appeared and headed straight for Rafe. They were created by necromancers of the Light (huh?) after they'd been converted to the Church, and the idea was that they'd do everything possible to stop anyone trying to bring back the old Gods. Well they run faster than Rafe, but he gave them a chase. The ritual had to happen in the basement of the local gambling establishment, which originally was a temple of Fortuna.
Rafe yelled to Claire (me, the wizard + mistress of flowers) and Gerard (paladin) to protect the Fortunad (gypsies) and then he took off running to the Shining Purse. The necromantic constructs took off after him. He ran as far as he could, then he cast a spell (he's a bard, if you didn't catch that earlier) to make them fall down, and keep falling down, so that he could run away. On top of the falling down spell the gnome (rogue + 1st level cleric of Fantasia) cast a misty fog so now the constructs could not cast line-of-sight spells and well, kill Rafe. So those two were safely on their way to the Shining Purse.
The elf (Sheridan, sorcerer) had the cup, and headed to the Purse as well. Along the way he decided to pour some special vial of liquid he'd been saving into the magic cup (which took on different forms depending who saw it), and he drank. He was taken off on some weird mystical adventure and basically he was in the middle of the street, stupefied, holding the cup, and unable to do his job.
Kelvin ("scholar" + psionic) found Sheridan, and ported him and cup back to the house of the adventurers. He waited until Sheridan came out of it, then Kelvin drank from the cup and was also transported on some magical mystery tour of somewhere, blah blah. The important thing was that Punxor, the player of Rafe, had been planning this for YEARS and these guys were not getting what he needed to the Shining Purse, and there was a chance that after someone drank from the cup it might disappear. So he was beginning to sweat, and the players of Sheridan and Kelvin were milking it. What a thing of beauty.
After Kelvin and Sheridan were done harrassing the Punxor, they decided to head down to the Shining Purse with the magic cup.
Back at the Cathedral Square there were armed men running into a crowd of panicked unarmed innocents with the intent of killing them. That would break the town charter of Free Religion and create Anarchy, which would essentially destroy the entire city. The Pontiff had been whisked away to safety within the Cathedral along with the paladins so that left me and Gerard to deal with this. The owner of the Shining Purse had some hired ruffians and they looked ready to help as well. Claire to the rescue! I witnessed the zealots striking innocent people with the butts of their swords and heading toward the Fortunad to kill them, and I decided to run right into the fray and let loose my Alluring Scent, which overpowers anyone within a 30-foot radius, and they either make a Will Save 19 or be stopped in their tracks until I say so. Let's just say the zealots didn't do so well against my flowery scent, and I maintained crowd control until one of the head paladins, Bettencourt, showed up to take them off my hands. I disarmed all the zealots and tossed the weapons to the rabble in the courtyard for presents. Then, I started tying up the jerks, and refused to give them over when Bettencourt asked. I explained how they had intended to break the city charter, and as a representative of the Don I had the right to take their heads. He assured me they'd be punished severely and thoroughly. I told him I wanted to watch. Ha! That got me an extra point from the DM who thought that was hilarious, and I eventually gave over the prisoners for Church punishment.
The owner of the Shining Purse (Valter Solingi) came over to show appreciation of how well I saved the ENTIRE city from rioting and ruin, and then I headed off to meet up with the boyz for the ceremony. At the Purse, Valter presented me with a Shining Purse coin, which means I have a lifetime membership to the club!! The Shining Purse is the most exclusive club in all of Triskellian, and now I am an honored guest for life. Wahoo!!
In the basement of the Purse Rafe drank sweat from the cup (don't ask), then went through a gigantic ritual to bring back Fortuna. She came back, said he did a good job, and then released him. The cup disappeared then, possibly inside Rafe, we don't know, but it was gone. There was a signal like a bell or chime throughout the town signifying the return of the Goddess of Fortune, and I bet the Pontiff of the Church of the Light heard it too! We're so toast. I'm glad the Don was out of town.
We had much rejoicing, then I went home happy.
Friday, May 04, 2007
It's Spring and you know what that means!!
Today, after giving some bodily fluids for the children, I bought a new bike!!
Then I rode it!! Happy Spring Y'all ~!!
Then I rode it!! Happy Spring Y'all ~!!
Thursday, May 03, 2007
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