holiday rant

X-mas trees were taken from pagan solstice ceremonies when the "holy mother church" was trying to convert "savages" to their religion, and therefore add to their coffers from tithing. I look at the way so-called x-tians have co-opted the tree thing and it makes me laugh at their expense.
I don't know if trees have spirits but damn, I can't do anything without wrecking someone's day, it seems. The clothes I wear mean that people in sweatshops suffered, the certified organic coffee means smaller fair trade coffee farmers are being pushed out of business, if I buy certified fair trade then I'm hurting the ones who can't afford to say they are fair trade, everything from animals means I've killed them through paying for the items, organic, free-range or no, they're still dead, even the non-animal items means I'm helping deplete the earth of oil that went towards the plastic, the wool I use is ok, but if I buy acrylic I'm again depleting oil reserves, when I drive my car I'm polluting the earth, when I take the bus I'm still polluting the earth. Nothing I do is safe. I can spend horrible amounts of time contemplating the fact that I and other humans are nothing but a blight on the earth and we should all kill ourselves.
Happy fucking birthday to me.

funniest goddamn thing I've ever seen

As if that weren't enough!

I've been reading Feministing and it does nothing but rile me up. Bah. Stories like this really piss me off.  I'm glad they have a trigger warning. Are things really getting worse for women and minorities, or am I oversensitive? 

Dammit.

So my dad's been diagnosed with a really shitty condition known as Myelodysplasia, which of course means he has to get a bone marrow transplant + chemo, and over 50% of cases like his (RAEB 2) turn into leukemia. There is a longevity range of 10 mos - 2 years for the majority of cases, according to different sources I found.

Double Fuck.

I want to donate my white blood cells if I can to help with the transplant, and be there to care for him through the treatments, which may kill him outright if some of these sites are to be believed. I'd rather not believe them. My supervisor came over and said there might be a possibility of a short-term transfer to a facility out there in California so that I can be nearby. I'm sure Dad would love having me around watching him puke and lose his hair and possibly die. Well, too bloody bad for him. I feel like I need to be around. I've never been around enough.

Last published April 20th.

So, I'm sure that updates are in order. As Donn so eloquently put it, "Aren't you back yet?"

Yep. Got back, trip was fantastic. One day later, got the flu. Stayed ill for weeks, even spent a couple of days in the hospital. Got better. A day or two later, got sick again. Guess what?

STILL SICK!!

Taking antibiotics since last night but at least I'm able to work so I'm not complaining about that.

I've been playing a lot of Warcraft and working, and biking. The world as it is remains so full of nasty shit that I get depressed even reading about it. Ads that preach stalkerism. See Feministing for that one. John McCain. *shudder* See anywhere about that one. And, I'm so sick of our political system.

Personally I'm doing great, the man is great, and the remaining cat is great. I should post pictures some time. I'm at work now, so that won't be happening right now.

Not ready, really.

No, I'm not packed. No, I have not stopped the mail. I'm not ready to leave for two weeks and tomorrow night when I can't sleep and I can't do much but look at the same shirt five fucking times as I put it in and take it out again of my suitcase I still won't know what I want to wear.

I don't relish the thought of a nine-hour flight and the large man who puts his seat all the way back. Oh, and you know. Getting searched and patted down isn't on my list of fun things either.

But shit. I'll be in Amsterdam and I won't care about the small stuff. I'll smell the piss in the streets on Konniningdag and love every second of it. See you soon!

Where the fuck I've been.

There really wasn't anything except work and being tired that kept me from posting. Since I started work with the VA I've been just tired all the time. That is a really hard job. I love the veterans - especially the 300-year old ones that hit on me, ha ha, but it's really hard and I just don't have the energy for anything else once I get off work each day. The weekends I sleep mostly.

So maybe I should say what it is I do, then, since all I said is that it's hard.

I work at the Veteran's Hospital on the 7th floor in an administrative area. I wear my little headset, and I answer the phones for the Team Care line, which handles all of Primary Care. So, if someone wants to talk to his (or her) main doctor then I'm the guy who takes the call and decides how best to send them away to the correct area.

If they need a specialist then I make a progress note in their chart and ask the doctor to give them a consult (podiatry, eye clinic, etc.). If they are having trouble right then and want their doctor to know, then I don't play nurse, I make them stay on the line (usually by guilt cause they're trying to be tough guy) and get them to Triage.

If they had lab tests and want the results, I put a note in their chart and send it to a Nurse Case Manager who will decide if she can give it or the doctor must. No one but a doctor can give HIV results, for example.

Also, I handle all secretarial duties for the Diamond Team, which has 4 doctors, 3 nurse case managers, plus all of Geriatrics which may have up to 6 residents plus the doctors who oversee them, plus their nurses. Patient caseload is about 2,000.

That means I type up releases, fax things, get forms back and forth (for example for disabled plates there's a form the patient will want the doctor to fill out and I handle that process), and basically anything else, up to and including taking requests for narcotics from patients and completing the narcotics renewal process so they get their methadone or oxycodone or whatever on time.

And, if a patient has been hospitalized for any reason, their release, follow-up, scheduling, and labs all go through me. I figure out the puzzle of the discharge facesheet and make everything happen usually by phoning the patient and getting him to come back on a certain day, then I order any lab tests or x-rays he needs. If the doctor was unclear (Wow, surprise there, haha) then I have to track down the doctor and get her (or him) to tell me what she wants. Most of my doctors are women in Geriatrics, one or two are men but I don't usually have to work with them and they aren't as good anyway. ;-)

So! I'm usually worn out and brain dead by the time I hop the bus home. I take roughly 50-60 calls per day and I'm always on the computer. I get yelled at constantly by the veterans, and they really like to get abusive to the secretaries. The wives are just as bad. Mostly I handle things well, and if someone is yelling at me I can tell them that whatever it is they want will have to go through me so they'd better straighten up or I will end the call. That works amazingly well, and I have a really good track record of getting apologies so far.

So that's my job. I'm considered a Program Support Assistant, a Firm Clerk, and a Primary Care Team Secretary. I use every part of my brain, all the time, and everyone with whom I work is smart. I love all my doctors even when they are primadonnas, and I'm very lucky to have gotten this job, especially with our economy.

But, if I'm online less or I forget things, that is why.

Goodbye Xe

Tonight my perfect friend - my wonderful companion went to sleep forever
and I will miss him terribly as long as I live.
Goodbye my sweet boy, I was humbled to be your person, there with you even as you took your last breaths, and I hope you think of me wherever you flew.

vindication

I recently connected with an old friend and co-worker who used to do shifts with me at the group homes. I have been trying to explain these jobs as if they are old war stories - and I'm sure I sound like an over-sensitive freak. But!! This friend was there with me and even after I left he stayed and talking about this stuff is like a vindication. Yes, Shelley - it happened.

Ok. And! He made a coke-snorting prostitute manager in a movie he made and named her Shelly. I will choose not to take that personally. No really. ;-)

Work is going well. I have a crazy co-worker (not the racist one) who is insistently trying to usurp my position - to the point that I come in and she is ensconced at my desk, using my computer and phone - and it's tough to get her OUT. Can we say....NUT case? I've never before had anyone envy my position in life or employment. That is just weird to me.

I am hosting karaoke this weekend and next. I feel odd about it because I did a song by Ben Folds the last time I was there and there were a LOT of fucks and shits in the song. I think I shocked people and while it was avoidable - my defense is that I sort of forgot about all the fucks and shits until I was up there singing, then I was committed and could not just quit. Plus, the song is in the character of a poor beleaguered middle class white boy and the black part of the audience was 1/2 and 1/2 getting it and NOT getting it. I was feeling awkward as shit, and I'm worried about Saturday because it's hard enough to pull a show together without feeling like I've made a giant faux pas. *sigh*

I'm very lucky to have connected with my old friends and I'm very lucky to have my new job, and I'm very lucky to have the karaoke hosting job, and I'm very lucky to have tickets to FUCKING AMSTERDAM, WOOOOOT, and I'm very lucky to have my fantastic partner for almost three years.

And then, my 17.5 year old cat started shitting in the closet. I do NOT want to lose him so we are giving him some time to stop whatever it is he's doing and fucking behave. We lost the Mojinator and I do not want to lose Xerox too. He's a smelly old fart but I love him.

Changes!

Wow, have I ever been busy lately. Ever since leaving the residential agency and joining the ranks of the Feds I have been working and sleeping, sleeping and working.

Updates? Hm...the man and I have our tickets to Amsterdam, woo hoo! I told my new boss that I always go to Amsterdam in the spring and she agreed to give me leave to do so. Mainly this was because I told her about it in the interview so it wasn't something I sprung on her after the fact. So, come April 22nd (23rd with travel time +1 day) I will be sipping a nice hot beverage and practicing my EXTREMELY poor Dutch. No, seriously. Anything more than please and thank you or even...ik heb geen idee...and I'm a loser. And a geek, since it just occurred to me that I could make a character name in Warcraft using that now so tired phrase.

I haven't had to fill my gas tank in almost two weeks, yee haw!

Ok, full stop. I do *not* use words like yee haw.

But you know, I haven't had to fill my tank in almost two weeks because I get to ride a bus to work now. It's pretty fantastic and I can't wait for warmer weather so that I can stick my bike on the front and ride it either part-way or all the way home. I've been getting lots of exercise what with the hospital being three blocks UPHILL each morning, and I don't mind that at all.

For the most part I like my co-workers and they have a sincere dedication to the patients we support. These guys certainly deserve respect and help, considering they gave up limbs and mental health in the service to Uncle Sam. What's really great about working in this environment is that politics is a non-issue. Nobody gives a fuck who is voting for Hillary Clinton and whether David Vitter paid a prostitute to spank him while he wore diapers. We are all there to help the patients, period.

Of course because of the racism thing I'll be a pariah come Monday or Tuesday. What racism thing, you ask? Well I trained with a long-timer who went on a rant to me that was filled with racist vitriol, and I vented to a co-worker afterwards...a co-worker who went to my supervisors. Both of them. And I had to document the "incident" for them and I can bet they'll talk to her Monday or Tuesday...after which she'll label me a rat and I will be lower than the bottom of a pair of shoes. Even though I didn't go to the bosses it's still on me. I was just venting. As I do. Gah.... this is stressing me out a little bit, but surprisingly less than managing staff within a residential agency.

What's nice about things right now is that A. I got a seriously kick ass pair of Maryjane's today, and spent a good hour polishing them while I watched In the Shadow of the Vampire. And!! I wasn't even on drugs while I did it. What's the story with that, you say? Well...I used to use speed and shining my Doc Martin combat boots was usually an all night task for me, and a very enjoyable one. No drugs now, but I do have a crazy-awesome pair of new shiney shoes.

Oh yeah! B. In addition to shiney shoes I haven't thought of politics ALL DAY. Fuck politics. It gives me a fucking headache with all the inherent misogyny going around. No, goddamn it I do not like Hillary - but jesus christ on a stick there are too many elements of women hating on the blogs and in the media instead of people looking at her RECORD. Ok, there, see what that makes me do? CAPS.

C. I went shoe shopping and out to dinner with some good friends and it was just nice to share their company. I miss that when I crawl into Hermit Land, pick up some knitting needles, and space out the world. It's no great secret that as fucked up as I've always been it has evolved into me becoming more and more reclusive as I age. I want the benefits of friends but it's so goddamn hard for me to want to leave the house sometimes. So, tonight with shopping and dinner was great. Of course I ate too much but damn. I took the stairs all damn day.

Oh hell, I'd vote for him a third time.

Hat tip: Feministing




This is so great. I'm so ready for someone, anyone on our side, to take on these fuckers and shove their hypocrisy down their own throats. The sorry thing is that these anti-choice assholes will never get that they are flat out assholes. They are the fanatics and lunatic fringe and firmly believe they are saving "teh babies" from a gruesome death. I know what I'm talking about. When I was preparing for my own abortion I was suckered into a CPC and harrassed by these fucks. When I finally got to the clinic I had to be ushered through a line of assholes screaming at me not to kill my baby, and I guess my own feeling was that they should be in my shoes before trying to bully me into a death sentence that the pregnancy was for me.

So, fuck you anti-choice assholes, and YAY for Bill Clinton - I'd vote for you again, triangulation, NAFTA, and all. (I forgive you.)

Ok, so hopefully by now everyone has seen this Obama video: 

But you HAVE to watch this one next. I laughed my ass off. 

And, fuck you, John McCain.

feminist message of the day:

Can we please for the LOVE OF GOD stop equating Hillary’s ability to preside over the country with her husband’s open fly?

I’m not in either camp but I’m really fed up with the way so many people come to decide about Hillary by way of how she got cheated on in the 1990’s.

:::head exploding:::

Has it been three weeks?

I guess you're right. I've been MIA for a while. Partly I've been covering a lot of hours out at a job site and that takes all my energy. Partly I've been avoiding politics and anything else likely to keep me consistently pissed off.

I've been keeping busy, however. I've been on many job interviews and preparing all of my current client files for the day I leave. If I leave - you know, it depends on those job interviews. I think they went well, but one never can tell.

I've been playing a lot of Warcraft with the man since I got my iMac and sold him my old gaming laptop. That has been a ton o' fun and I knew it would be. We've been playing a Mage/Priest combo and the asskicking has been amazing. I like multi-tasking and that's what I do as a Shadow Priest - I cast damaging spells yet watch the health of the Mage so he doesn't cause too much threat and die. But you know, if he does bite it then I can resurrect him which is nice. We're still doing the lowbie quests so he can learn the game and I am pretty well versed in everything we need to do so there isn't a lot of "Wait! Let me look this up on Thotbot!" going around.

I'm back to gaming with the Sunday group - and that is a blast too. I have missed the back and forth with all the guys and of course with the best DM ever we have been doing some very fun things. One of the guys has taken my spell list and transformed it into a webpage with drop-down arrows, and as soon as he finds a way to save it with each use it will be the best spell sheet ever. I realized I could do an excel sheet with the drop-downs and save it, but this is his project and it's very cool~! It looks better than anything I could do and I like it a lot.

I'm still vegetarian (since August 07) and that's going well. I have been taking fish oil capsules and realized that I need that very much and so keeping my crohn's disease in mind I will eat the occasional fish. I started thinking that I needed a carne asada burrito and so the man ordered one and I actually took a bite. It tasted like crap. My bean and rice tasted infinitely better. That was a good thing - I didn't want to blow my whole veggie plan over a steak burrito. Who needs all those chemicals and hormones anyway?

I had the worst sinus headaches every morning for months. I was living on Sudafed (the real stuff from the pharmacist and not the fake "PE" they sell now to thwart the meth-lab people) and hating life. I started learning about neti pots and then I finally used one. After a day or so the headaches stopped completely. I haven't had one now since some time in December. If I get stuffy or even just dry - I use the neti pot and my sinuses are in fantastic shape. Of course I stopped taking Sudafed and gained five pounds. Exactly five pounds. Which brings me to my next point.

I made the switch from my HMO to the new one - it was not a choice, since my employer decided to only allow one HMO and it wasn't mine. We all had to do it. So - I have a new cardiologist, new pacemaker nurse, new gastroenterologist, and new clinics, and new hospital. I chose the cardiologist based on country of origin - he's from India - I figure that the top of the top doctors in India come to practice here, so it's an even bet that I will get a sharp Cardio doc. I had my pacemaker checked and had an echocardiogram (cutest ec nurse evar, zomg) and now on Friday I will go into the hospital for some further pacemaker checking because apparently it's not doing what it's supposed to do. I'll be sedated and get the rest of the day off which is pretty wonderful. I hope they figure out what the problem is and fix it.

Yesterday I met my new Gastro doc - and I want you to picture Emma Thompson (the actress) with a mop of Shirley Temple curls and well, nuts. She's a british doctor, and talked a mile a minute. She seemed pretty sharp to me, but I don't know if one visit has me trusting her with my gut health. She didn't really let me get a word in, and that's pretty important with crohn's disease because the patient is the one who knows the most about his condition. One good note is that I'm on a schedule for blood draws now because of my weekly med, and based on the seriousness of that med I'm glad they are checking. Also, I'm permanently off my supposed-daily drug of 16 pills per day. WTF, says you - did you say Sixteen Pills Per Day? Yes. And I don't take them anyway - so it was a wasted effort at best. Another plus in the new G.I.'s direction is that she doesn't want to use the evil devil prednisone if I have a flare in the future. She already gave me a prescription for a different steroid and I'm just supposed to handle it if that problem comes up. Based on what my records say (when they arrive - for some reason my old doc's office has some issues with fax machines?) I will possibly not have to see the inside of my G.I.'s office for a whole year, unless I become ill. Can I get an amen, hallelujah?

:::End of Update:::

annoyance.

ZOMG!! All wimmin are votin' fer Hillary cause she's got a Va Jay Jay, Zomg! And of course, white males are still catered to in the media and considered the "default" of the voting public. Well in your face, motherfuckers.

CNN survey, 2004 Presidential election voters:

White Men (36%)
White Women (41%)
Non-White Men (10%)
Non-White Women (12%)

Since women are you know, people? Try representing a little better because, well, we're OUT VOTING YOUR ASSES.

Bad Grammar in Song Lyrics

There are a few songs that just bug my ass and they are popular and overplayed on top of it. The issue for me is that people SING ALONG and learn to speak by doing so. If people are learning to speak by listening to bad grammar then the music industry is responsible for a lot, my friends.

Latest case in point: Snow Patrol-Chasing Cars.

If I lay here...if I just lay here...would you lie with me... blah blah - wtf??

He didn't figure out that it's LIE until the third time? That song annoys the fuck out of me.

It bothers me a lot more when it's a popular song that millions of people sing along with. Yes, I ended that sentence with a preposition. Annoying isn't it???

Big example that has bothered me forever: BoDeans-Good Things.

No no no, don't pass me over, no no no, don't pass me by. I can see I can see good things for you and I... Arrrrrggghh!!

What is so painful is that they have a live version of this song and thousands of people in the audience are singing along, singing along...as if it's correct and they don't notice a thing. It's ME, people. ME. Object, Subject. Learn, Discuss! And stop playing that fucking BoDeans song!

This is nonsense up with which I will not put. Ha!