What the fuck do I work for?!

My meeting went all right. The bitch wanted an apology- and to pacify her I gave her one. That chapped my ass but since I didn't mean it, what are words anyway?? I just kept telling myself that so I would be able to make peace and move on. My boss said he could just tell that I was grinding my teeth over it, but he was very happy that I did well, and seemed very restrained.
You know what? I feel like a fucking trained dog, scrambling for bits and trying to please a master. What kind of autonomy do I really have in this company? I'm always made to jump through hoops and it never seems good enough. I look back on what I just wrote and I fail to see where I kept my dignity. I was forced to apologize to a woman that clearly doesn't deserve it, and the gall of that makes me want to scream. I had to pretend to really give a fuck what she thinks. I think my anger really stems from having to jump through hoops. I despise the bullshit I have to endure, but what else would I do if I didn't have this job? Go back to Borders and not be able to pay my bills? I feel the large foot of "the man" on the back of my neck, holding me down.
Am I totally out of line here? Should I really expect less bullshit in a job, any job? I'm disgruntled, damn it!

These dreams, go on, when it's cold outsiiiiiiiiiide...

So there I was last night, at the top of what I *think* was the Leaning Tower of Pisa, but it was right up next to Mount Vesuvius. I was terrified that we were so close to a smoking active volcano, but my cohorts (can't recall who they were now) were very much not listening to sense or reason. I got to the top,and saw the smoke from the volcano, BFD. I was *so* not excited, just really ready to go down again. I remember looking all around and asking where Pompeii was, and where Herculaneum was. I really wanted to see them from above. Eventually someone pointed out both previously buried towns.
We hit the gift shop there and I picked up four giant hard cover books all about Italy and the area around Vesuvio.For some reason we had to leave in a hurry, I think the volcano was going to blow or something. I was in a building resembling a school, and I was playing hide and seek from floor to floor with this kid. I was running up and down stairs and marveling at my ability to do so without being out of breath, but then I was dismayed to discover my books had all been stolen. Total fucking bummer. I went round and round, up and down staircase after staircase, and couldn't locate my books, or the kid who'd stolen them (different one than I'd been chasing).
So basically my dream was winding staircases, running up and down those same staircases, and fear of volcanoes. There didn't seem to be any other elements to the dream, and I'm surprised it kept repeating the same theme. Well there was the theft of my books, but that was my own fault for leaving them in a strange place.
So this dreaming thing is kind of bizarre and I don't know what to think.

Hey, won't you play...another somebody done somebody wrong song?

This is the song that's been in my head for hours. It's beautiful and sunny outside, and the grass is finally green, but I feel sort of melancholy and I'm not sure why. I've been working out and improving my physique, so why not my mood? Maybe I should take up heroin use. I've been dreaming a lot lately. Last night I was on my trip to Amsterdam (which isn't for weeks yet) and there were giant big screen tv's everywhere. I'm not sure what was on them, I think NASCAR. I'm losing my mind. At least one sane person was in my dream, so thank you Michiel for helping me realize I was actually asleep.
It's almost become impossible for me to speak to anyone lately without ranting and complaining, so I'd better keep it up here so I can relax in other spots. I think I'm scaring co-workers and friends. I am usually so easy going and that's all changed. Not sure why. Something to think about.
I've been pissed off about my landlord's antics for days too. She's been putting notes up saying she's going to rent my apartment, and yet she gave me the option to renew my lease, with a time limit I've not exceeded and won't, for another couple of weeks. It makes no sense. Even then, my lease isn't up until June, so what the bitch is on about, I have no idea.
Fucking air quality in Madison just went down, because they decided to legislate lower air quality standards for a foundry not too far from where I live. Wanna take a deep breath in 10 years? Good fucking luck.
My staff are out to get me. I have a meeting with one of them in a couple of hours, and I'm sure that will be hell. I tried to look on the bright side before the last one and told myself (and my boss) that it wouldn't be that bad. HAH!! It was torturous hell. I can only expect more of that today. I'm so fed up with dealing with hick assholes. Bah. Ok, back to the grind, I think more people need to piss on me.