My meeting went all right. The bitch wanted an apology- and to pacify her I gave her one. That chapped my ass but since I didn't mean it, what are words anyway?? I just kept telling myself that so I would be able to make peace and move on. My boss said he could just tell that I was grinding my teeth over it, but he was very happy that I did well, and seemed very restrained.
You know what? I feel like a fucking trained dog, scrambling for bits and trying to please a master. What kind of autonomy do I really have in this company? I'm always made to jump through hoops and it never seems good enough. I look back on what I just wrote and I fail to see where I kept my dignity. I was forced to apologize to a woman that clearly doesn't deserve it, and the gall of that makes me want to scream. I had to pretend to really give a fuck what she thinks. I think my anger really stems from having to jump through hoops. I despise the bullshit I have to endure, but what else would I do if I didn't have this job? Go back to Borders and not be able to pay my bills? I feel the large foot of "the man" on the back of my neck, holding me down.
Am I totally out of line here? Should I really expect less bullshit in a job, any job? I'm disgruntled, damn it!
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