action points galore!

Oh my. Tonight at gaming was quite spectacular. In order for me to accrue action points (usable toward dice rolls or xp bonuses) I must use my Personality feat, which is to make the rest of the party laugh. The rule is that you can earn one per session, and use one per session, no more, no less. Carey awarded me two tonight. We hurt ourselves laughing at my antics. I know I went into the session knowing I was going to have to impress the guys, but it spiraled out of control.

We started out by arranging who was going to join me on my journey to the local tavern (in this case a very upscale tavern frequented by high-falutin' merchant types and nobles). Last session the Claire witch got super-pissed off by a priest of the Light who had bragged about killing a mother and child because the father was a half-elf, which made the mother a race-mixer and the child a half-elf as well. Claire was attempting to stay cool because killing a priest of the Light could have gotten her burned at the stake where they are staying in the town of Chalon du Saludre in Avoirdupois lands. It's Claire's home country (although she's from a small island far away up the coast) and she has already been in hot water for non-conforming. She's been disowned from her family and now risks questioning by what is basically the Inquisition.

So we were getting ready to game and we were trying to remember where we were so we could pick up. Darth Moll suggested they all pick on me to get me back into the proper mood to go start some shit. They all did. =P It was good, although I worried that they were completely overrating my skill at role-playing and my ability to really carry this out in an entertaining fashion. The DM Carey said she wasn't worried, and basically that's what I got from the rest of the group too. Grrr...the pressure was on to perform well.

The group (minus the elf Sheridan and half-elf Prince Kelvin) followed a pissed-off Claire down to the tavern. She started out by defying the rules of attire and threw off her headcovering, and rode down there in pants. I blew open the doors of the place with a spell, and strode right up to the bar. Um...casting magic in public can get you flogged or killed. So there I was at the bar, where I was turning all the heads - and I ordered an entire carafe of Sunhouse White (wine which is made by Claire's family on Port du Soleil). Ok drinking in public by a woman is not considered okay by any means.

I found a table, carried my devil wine over and proceeded to mutter to myself and start down the road to public drunkenness. There is a table to show how many units of alcohol affect your character in which ways - and it's based on Constitution. If I go over 14 units then I'm Tipsy. If I go over 28 units I'm Merry. Over 42 then I'm drunk. As another personality feat I have Rude Lush, which means if I'm drinking I need to pass a Will save or become Rude to basically anyone around me. Sunhouse White is 6 units per glass. I downed 2 pretty fast. Still in safety range.

The paladin Gerard (also Avoirdupois by birth) sat with me - and he got the first brunt of my anger. Mutter mutter, "murdering bastards...who does that priest think he is...murdering genocidal bastards...I'll show them, yadda yadda."

A group of half-orc nobles walked in and started drinking. Our bard Rafe started playing up on the stage just for background music. I kept muttering, and Gerard just tried to keep me calm. Our gnome showed up and joined us at the table soon after that.

I sent a drink over to the only other woman in the room, who was a gnome female. We toasted female solidarity and that was basically it. She had two Avoirdupois men with her who nearly fell off their chairs from the shock of what I was daring to do publically. There were other tables of people in the place, mostly half-elves (Rinaldi) who don't give a rat's ass what women do or don't do. There was one table of well-dressed Avoirdupois merchants who were having serious issues with me.

The half-orc nobility (very civilized in our game) sent over a shot to me. I decided to drink up. Why not? In the main city where my character attends Magic University I have an advisor who is a half-orc bard. Claire's had the hots for him for months. Anyhoo - 14 units for the shot. BAM. I was tipsy. The muttering got louder and worse. The half-orcs sent another shot. I pantomimed that was the last one - and tipped it back. BAM. I was Merry. The muttering got even louder and I was in earshot of everyone.

The Avoirdupois merchants had enough. One of them came over and began berating Gerard for not controlling his woman in public. I jumped in and started yelling at the guy and being unruly in general. He refused to speak to me, and threatened to "take [Claire] in hand" if Gerard wouldn't. I stood up and yelled something about taking himself in hand and if he didn't have the respect for women then he could BE one.

Cast: Reverse Gender. He biffed the saving throw and there was a woman standing in front of me in man's clothes. I told him - don't you know it's against the rules to be dressed in men's clothing as a woman??

Cast: Disrobe. He biffed that too, and ended up standing nekkid and female in the middle of the tavern. That was a great opportunity for me to exclaim as loudly as possible:

"HEY DOES EVERYONE KNOW THERE'S A NEKKED WOMAN STANDING IN THE BAR?!"

All hell broke loose. His merchant friends came over, as well as the half-orcs, the proprietor, the serving people, and god knows who else. The now-woman pointed at me and screamed, "Witch!!" and "Burn HER!" and his friends came over just then. They all started screaming about "witch" and all kinds of what not, and I stood there and told them they would be wise to back off and not touch me.

One of them decided to make a grab for me anyway.

Cast: Touch Me Not. My AC jumped by +2, and Homey took 1d8 damage/each level I cast as Wizard. BAM. So he didn't last long - he flew backwards with 20 points of damage and laid on the ground awhile. I yelled that anyone else trying to lay hands on this woman was in for a world of hurt. The half-orcs decided to step in and back me at that point. The merchants started making racial slurs toward the half-orcs, and I decided I'd had enough of these upstarts. Claire and the half-orcs are goddamn NOBILITY, and these merchant commoners are going to not only insult them, but attempt to lay hands on her? I don't fucking think so. The half-orcs and I laid waste to the commoners with some well chosen ...reminders... about their place in this life. The merchants tried to say that they were going to get the pub shut down.. and then Zaskin our gnome stepped in and talked to the proprietor about just what kind of mess he could avoid by doing the smart thing and catering to the nobles. Oh, he's a commoner by the way. Tee Hee.
So the Avoirdupois merchants were banned for life.

Oh - and it turns out I sort of slipped and said that the Reverse Gender spell was permanent. I really enjoyed trying to sell off the "Virgin" to the highest bidder. The former male really got a lesson. I gave it to him but GOOD. Actually the spell only lasts about 8 hours - but I made my Bluff check and also my Intimidate check and it ended with the poor poor virgin begging to be turned back, and pleading for my forgiveness. All the while she was nekked in nothing but a tablecloth that Gerard the paladin covered her with out of duty. This was Soooooooooo good. I made her kneel on the floor in front of me and beg to be changed back. And then it was ALL OVER because I said...oh, and move back. You smell. Oh god...that's when all hell broke loose in the group- odor comments, douching commericials quoted...man we did not get it back together for about a half hour. I was hurting from laughing so hard. It wouldn't have gone as far as it did, except that our most outwardly puritannical and "shocked" gamer was the FIRST one to make a comment after I said the woman smelled. That opened the door to anything and everything. It was diabolical! We could NOT stop.

So I finally turned her back into a man (to avoid the Inquisition, not because I wanted to), and the now perma-banned Avoirdupois merchant commoners took off in all haste.

The half-orc noble joined us for more drinks, Prince Kelvin showed up, Zaskin told him a skewed version of the story which was funnier than the original because of what it left out, Rafe the bard kept playing..., and Gerard tried to recover his stalwart composure. The sorcerer Sheridan was gone the whole night. At least the player was there to interact and enjoy. It turns out that the noble had a VERY high charisma. I made a roll to get out of going to bed with him- (Claire has this history of slutting around, I know it's terrible but what's a girl to do?), but his counter-roll for Seduction was a 33. No way I'm beating that. So off I went (drunk) with the Noble Lord. Carey will always give us an out if we want- but it was more in character that Claire go off with him.

Rafe decided he was going to get his action point by biffing a roll to try and insert himself between Claire and the noble. He tumbled, jumped over a table, next to the fireplace, holding a beer and a skewer full of meat. Ok so let's see what went wrong...he HIT the table, knocking the tablecloth in the fire, setting the table on fire, then he spilled beer on himself which ended up catching HIM on fire, then he stabbed himself with the skewer. So basically he was going to burn down the joint in some misguided attempt to "save" Claire. I told him very politely to back the fuck off. Ok I guess the words "back the fuck off" aren't the most polite. BUT it WAS in character as a Rude Lush. Tee Hee.

That's essentially the story. We have not laughed so hard in a loooooooooong time.