according to me after a lot of wine

What is this that we call Reality? I hear a lot these days about spiritual v. physical and whether it's better to stay delusional or get with what's solid and before you. I'm not torn about whether there is a deity overseeing us - I'm damn certain that's made up so people will feel reassured about things that they have no control over. That led to religion, which in turn led to fanatics, which in turn led to laws that threaten my autonomy which in turn led to me, Tidalgrrrl, becoming a raving feminist in order to protect myself. Besides that, it's smarter. Feminism is good for everyone.

Now back to the spiritual/physical thing. Since I was a very (and I mean under two years) small child I've been able to see things that aren't really there. Barring lead poisoning or mental illness I figured out, eventually, that these were not on the physical plane. I started seeing things in the daytime as well as the night, and sometimes they were animals or people. Sometimes they were a mixture of both, and boy did that ever send me into fits. I became terrified of the dark, and I still have night terrors related to things I've seen and things that have attacked me (with witnesses sometimes) and left bruises and scratches.

I'm an atheist. I don't believe in a deity - or deities. I get upset that people try to impose their made-up religions on me, but otherwise I figure everyone has his own truth, so I respect that people would like to believe in a god. I used to want to believe too. I thought that there had to be a god if there were spirits, and since there are spirits cause I've seen them, then ergo, a god, right? Ipso Facto. Well, that didn't actually turn out like I thought, and over time I discovered that spirituality doesn't have thing one to do with whether a god or gods exist. Spirits exist, I believe, because of energy. If anything, this energy would speak more of science, and less of god or gods.

I have never understood why I see spirits, or why my father had so many instances growing up where he saw spirits (once of a giant cat), or why my mother could and did predict so many tragedies for her loved ones. I have to think that it's got something to do with tuning. I probably am on a specific wavelength that allows me to see weird shit. Since my parents did too, then I guess I lay blame at their feet. In one case specifically there is a spirit that has been seen by almost every member of my family, and it routinely attacks them at least once before the age of thirteen. My sister seemed to see it as a wolf, and was torn up on her legs with scratches and bites, although a wolf coming into a bedroom in the middle of suburban San Diego with no evidence of entry or exit, but three people seeing and one with wounds - that doesn't sound made up to me. I was too young and didn't see that occasion, but later on I was chased out of that same room and refused to ever sleep there again - and I was two. According to my mom (and my own faulty memory) I saw a man who was hanging from the closet like the cartoon character Spiderman, but real. That still freaks me out sometimes if I think about it too much.

So I'm an atheist who believes in spirituality - at least as an energy thing - because I've seen it. I've been there. If not I don't think I would believe it, and as my Dad says (about one of our homes) he doesn't believe in ghosts - except for that farmhouse!

I've come to the realization that the existence of a god or gods doesn't have a thing to do with where our spirits go when we die. Hell, even when we don't. Astral travel, anyone? I've done it. I don't know how this changes my life, but I wanted to clarify for myself. I don't know if I've done that but if not I guess I'll be writing again.