No, not quarters and dimes. I am realizing that sources of frustration for me continue to be associated with change. I work pretty hard to get things in order, because I just like to be that way, and then once I get things figured and possibly printed off, one minute later a person will throw a wrench in my works. This is a constant stressor for me. Every single part of my job is filled with constant change. It's driving me bats. I wish I could be better with this, but it wears me down over time. Today I had to work on schedules, and it occurred to me that people who work for me want a flexible schedule where this is not an option. I have to make things work because otherwise I won't have staff, so I'm at their mercy. I work on certain assumptions about times that need to be filled, and as soon as it's worked up then someone throws me a change. I arrange my own schedule and then have to redo it constantly to cover other people's shortcomings. I will make a plan for something...anything...and for some reason I will have to change it to accomodate others. I will just toss in that I'm REALLY FUCKING loathe to make others accomodate me. I'm becoming ill with frustration about staffing issues. I don't want to do this anymore this week. I'm really fucking sick of my job right now and can't really deal with ONE more crisis that I have to fix, and when I do it's been a useless effort because someone will have fucked it up and I have to restart from scratch. Then when I fix that, it'll be for naught again and I'm back to scratch. I feel like fucking Sisyphus. I think I need a serious break from work. I was sick this week and couldn't deal physically and now I'm having trouble dealing mentally.
I want for something that I do to MATTER. I want for something that I do to NOT be fucked up and a waste of time.
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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Merry Christmas to you too!
ReplyDeleteWell another year is almost over and you can look forward to a paradigm shift in how your efforts will be rewarded.....waiting for the other shoe to drop here....OK so maybe nothing works the way it should..just think about how completely intercoursed things would actually be if you didn't try to fix them?!
Thanks for all of the warm fuzzies.
I love that understated Cernadian Irony. (warm fuzzies) ;)
ReplyDeleteYou're right, of course. If I never tried to fix anything, well, number one I'd be unemployed, hehe. And number two it would be worse than it is now. I guess I got wrapped up in Fixing Things and having them stay fixed, when I know that there is an ongoing tide of changes due to working with people's personal details.
I had my birthday yesterday and I am so grateful that I have such good friends. I have an amazing other half who is well, amazing. And, he promised me a yarn winder. Wahoo!
I have a really great life, and good friends, and health is maintaining, and I guess I need a new job is all. I'll keep chugging away with resumes like I have been, and try to stay grateful for the things that matter.
Merry Christmas =P
Or, as we Atheists say...Happy Holidays, and f*%#-ing happy new year!
security word: ztztzeu
I like that, dammmit! =)