Pissed-Offed-ness

Yeah, I'm pissed off. It's hard to explain why because I feel like I should just be grateful to be fixed and apparently Crohn's free in my gut. But seriously, what the fuck? In 2005 when I had my ICD switched out they used conscious sedation and I flipped right the fuck out and they flagged me as "combative" under that type of anesthesia. So I've been telling my GI for years, positively YEARS that he should always use general anesthesia for any procedures. Nobody fucking listens to me! I talked with the nurse yesterday as they were prepping me for this colonoscopy with dilation (to fix strictures) and I specifically asked about the sedation. She said there was a note in my chart saying that there could be issues with it so they were "totally prepared" for it.

I then spoke with the sedation nurse to let her know there can be problems with it, so because the GI doc won't listen and do general that she should be ready. She said she knew about it and was "totally prepared" with extra sedation for me just in case. She started the dosing and after THREE doses I was finally out. Ya, THREE. So, great, right? No. Next thing I know I'm awake, alert, and being tortured. I heard the doctor talking about different balloon things (the dilation) and I felt the most horrible pushing and shoving pain in my gut that I've ever felt. So I said OW! OW! OW! over and over and they were fucking ignoring me!! I was AWAKE and they were just continuing like I was a piece of MEAT. I was yelling for them to give me more drugs because fucking OUCH!!! and then finally I passed out again and woke up in recovery. So how fucking long were they going to wait until they realized I was awake and screaming in pain before sedating me again?? They were "Totally Prepared," right? Fuck that noise. I was pissed.

I woke up and the nurse brought in the boyfriend and the first thing I did was have him give me clonazepam so I didn't kick the doctor in the NUTS when he came in with my "results." God-DAMMIT!!!!! I know I was short-tempered with just about everyone there until I got the fuck out, then I doped myself good and heavy, ate some lunch, and passed out for 5 hours. Then, I woke up, still pissed, played WoW for a bit, doped myself good again, and passed out for the night. ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

I shouldn't be this pissed seeing as how I now have an intestine wide enough to pass food so I won't be hospitalized every other month like I have been. Also, my medicine is working and there's no disease visible. That means no medicine regimen change either. So good news, right? Well Goddammit I'm still PISSED off. This hurts, for one, and for two, I fucking TOLD every fucking person there, including my doctor, for the past four YEARS that I need to be under general for these things, and I ended up being fucking TORTURED anyway!