517th post? WTF??

Well yippee kay-ay, and goodie for me. On to it, I guess. I haven't been blogging much recently, and when I do it's YouTube links. I don't consider that to be real blogging, even if it does sum up a little of what I feel sometimes. I guess I've been working hard to keep my head above water with all this holiday crap, and of course don't we know that in December my health always takes a dive. I know about it, and can't really stop it. At least I haven't been in the hospital, which is always a boon. I just get de-motivated and absorbed easily in escapism like World of Warcraft and Scrabulous. What?? Warcraft got flagged by the spell checker. That's kind of ironic that a "spell" checker would catch a magical game as not being a word...

This holiday season I actually had greeting cards made, decorated a tree, had a party, and gave out gifts at the office. I think I was trying a bit too hard, but again it's working to keep my head above water and if I simulate cheer I may actually feel something. Of course that does not always work, but what can a girl do.

*****update*******

I have lost my digital camera someplace. I really hope it's in the car but the man and I have searched high and low and even through laundry, and cannot find it.

*****end of update, back to blogging******

I'm sort of bummed now because I promised a picture of my new pirate-knitter shirt to someone and I dislike not keeping my promises. So I'll tell you about it - and provide a link to the shirt, and you can imagine me wearing it. :)

***LINK TO MY X-MAS PRESENT, THE AWESOMEST SHIRT EVER***

I have the female version, which is probably thinner cotton than the men's version, and sticks to every single curve, good and bad. So I must wear it under a sweater or I'm scaring the kiddies. And, you know - having men throw dollar bills at me when I walk down the street is NEVER a good thing. No, seriously, it's not.

Speaking of knitting and yarrrrrn, I have been quite prolific lately with regard to Ye Craft, as we pirates like to call it. I worked up some snazz-A mittens and have begun work on a fairly complicated scarf, which I've had to re-knit three times because like I mentioned before it's fairly complicated. However! It will be worth the effort, because it's a damn fine pattern with twisties and turnies and flippies and such. No plain ol' knitting for me, no sirree.

I've actually been doing quite a lot that has nothing to do with an online life lately. I've been cooking, and cleaning, and re-arranging things, as well as doing nice things for others. Of course the man is still doing my laundry, but I have been working hard elsewhere, so it's fairly even-handed with housework. And, AND!! I've been job-hunting like crazy as well. I think (hope) that area of my life improves. I take a test next Saturday for the State administrative areas, and any of those jobs would be an improvement over what I'm doing now. I'm so sick of being defined by my job, which doesn't pay all that well and drives me bonkers. I always get asked what I do, and if I don't immediately talk about work then people are freaked out. What?? You knit?? But what do you DO??? Warcraft? What's that?? But what do you DO???? You're a writer and you love to travel?? But what do you DO?????????

Fuck that shit. As soon as I break down and tell them I work for people with disabilities I'm immediately categorized as someone with ultimate patience, kindness, and heart. Like I said, fuck that. I want to say that I'm a fucking secretary before I tell them I fucking HELP people. Because you know what happens then, right?? Every fucking person decides that I'm really excited to hear about their fucking disabled brother's cousin's nephew, and isn't so sad, but you're such a good person for doing that in a field where nobody gives a shit except when their own family member needs a hand, and fuck everyone else when their property taxes need to pay for it.

I fucking wash dishes, motherfucker. Which is why I have HOBBIES and INTERESTS that don't revolve around WHAT I FUCKING DO FOR A LIVING. And, I don't give one rat's ass about your brother's cousin's fucking nephew. My own little brother with fetal alcohol syndrome who couldn't tie his fucking shoes is in Iraq. Tell me about how you voted Republican, asshole, and I'll tell you about how my clients can't afford food because they can't keep a job because funding was cut for non-profits like the Humane Society and they have to staff the goddamn place with Prison Release convicts, and even if my clients do work they have their benefits taken away from them. Go ahead, asshole, and tell me you are in the fucking moral majority with your asshole christian values, when I take a client to the food pantry and I'm the one who fucking qualifies for it because the voters decided that what I do isn't important enough to pay a living wage?? Tell me about how you fucking support the military when the soldiers have to apply for fucking food stamps to survive on that pay??

Tell me again you're surprised I want to hear this shit because I have a good heart to do what I do. It's more correct to say that I cannot do what I do without drinking myself to sleep every night. When I don't do that I have terrible insomnia and sometimes it lasts for weeks. I need to shake this off. Warcraft, anyone?