that was excruciating.

Work. Ack. Ptoooie. I guess I'm gonna have to either let it all roll off me like water off an oily duck's ass or find a new job. I like what I do but I'm just not sure where to go with it.

Wow, like, that was like, so totally vague like oh mah gawd.....:P

I guess I knew that my supervisor was going to come back with something - I didn't see it coming but just had to ride that wave until it was done.

The Ambush.

The quick thirty minute follow up to our conversation last week turned into an hour and a half with me v. three managers with a laundry list of about 20 axes to grind, in a claustrophobic office and no where to go but down, so I tried to make it through as calmly as I could. I felt like a moron because I was being accused of doing things and I really didn't know what they were talking about. I kept thinking that maybe my memory was bad, and I really did do those things and am so lame I just forgot? It's all about perception so a lot of it I can't do anything about. Everyone makes mistakes and I make my share, but the way this simple stuff was being presented was skewed. I felt like I was in a mirrored funhouse with no doors. Every answer I had was: Yes, but it wasn't like that. Yes, but you don't have all the information, Yes, but it didn't happen that way. And of course: WTF? I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. So my afternoon sucked a bit.

I'm not going to dwell on things that were said in the meeting because so much of it was so slanted and ludicrous that I just can't answer to it. I am not feeling betrayed, because that would necessitate having some kind of relationship to these people. I know that the other two managers were dragged into a situation and just needed to do their job by asking questions, no matter how stupid they were.
I really fucking hope that bastige enjoys his pound of flesh. It's funny because I didn't think he was that vindictive. Well, I'm not a great judge of character. At least it was just public humiliation and I still have a job. Oh joy. Lucky me.

Ok that was the end of my post - but I am now down a different path.

So is that what we all have to endure forever? People who are going to see things one way and act vindictively towards us based on some skewed version of events that they create in their minds?
So yeah, I am thinking it might be time to move on and find another job. Why though? Everything will always be the same. There will always be someone who needs to put his or her foot on the back of my neck for some reason or another. I will never escape this hamster wheel. There's no point to looking for a new job. They're all the same job. As Janis said, "it's all the same fucking day, man."
Nothing will ever change, because nothing ever CAN change. It's the nature of the human condition, to suffer until we die. Work's not supposed to be fun. We're not supposed to like it. I feel like Johnny Paycheck, but I know I won't take my job and shove it, because that would just be a tiny hiccup in the scheme. It would only be the same thing again and again. I could quit again and again, but there's no point. That's insanity. Of course things won't be different. People aren't different. I'm not different. I'll always be unsatisfied with the way things run. I guess I can buck it and be miserable or learn to huddle in the edges like those penguins. Oh god. I'm turning into a water dwelling flightless bird and I don't even like fish.