fucked up

So there i was, innocently having some pretzel with some gamer dude and his friend, and waiting for my actual friends to come back around, and pinned to Guy #1's shirt is his name and underneath it says "player." Well duh - it's a gaming convention. So like I don't know these guys too well so I thought I'd make a joke.
"So, Guy #1, you're a play-ah..." as I'm pointing to his tag. By the by I also have a tag that says exactly what his says. Only mine says Shelley and not Guy #1.
He looks awfully confused, and is like, "what?" so I point to his tag again.
"Play-ah..." and I smiled to let him know it was, you know, ok to I don't know, smile back? So he responded with "No, I actually don't have any Negro blood at all. I'm 100% white boy (maybe he said cracker, I don't know, I was already in offense mode as soon as I heard Negro.)
Me: "I'm sorry, what did you just say?"
Him: "I'm not Negro, so I can't be a player."
Me: "That's what I thought you said."
Guy #2: Blank looks all around.

So just then my friend came back and we uh, moved on. Later, after my other friend showed up we had some lunch, and during that lunch a fan came up to us and wanted his shirt signed by the artist at the table (friend #1). John is such a nice guy and is always willing to do whatever for a fan, so he listened to this guy's story and signed his shirt and we all enjoyed the moment.
The shirt was signed: "Fear this Shirt! Seriously!"
So then this fan (I'll just say he was overweight) leaves, and Guy#1 and #2 cut him up for being fat. Now I realize he was fairly gi-normous but jesus christ! He came all the way to the top floor and to the very back of the restaurant to find us. Great effort on the part of a fan, and these assholes are going to make fun of him?

Guy#1 - Dick.
Guy#2 - Not quite as big a Dick, but he sure was laughin pretty hard at this guy who only wanted a goddamn signature to show his girlfriend who'd bought him the shirt in the first place.

Mean people suck donkey dick. Fucking Chicago assholes.